Just in time for the new season, the AMC drama reveals some (thankfully) unused openings.
By Patrick Cassels
In silhouette, Don Draper stands in his office and puts his
briefcase down. The walls and furniture begin to crumble.
Don falls between skyscrapers with advertisements on them.
Suddenly, he SPLATTERS on the ground. A small crowd of
OTHER SILHOUETTES surround him.
Oh my god! What happened?
This guy just fell from the top of
a skyscraper! He's... he's dead,
Grab his wallet.
The silhouettes coyly shuffle over to Don's remains.
The "MAD MEN" INTRO. Same setup as previous. Don's
silhouette falls between the skyscrapers. A skateboard
falls next to Don. He grabs it, steps on it, and puts on a
helmet. He lands in a half-pipe, launches, and does a SICK
A crowd of silhouettes CHEERS. FLASH BULBS go off. He
lands on a podium with a large ENERGY DRINK banner behind
him and gives a "hang loose" symbol.
Max out with new Thunder Thug!
Don in his office. The furniture, blinds, and pictures
slowly crumble. But rather than cutting away, we stay as
all the items land on the floor of the office.
Are you kidding me? Once a
Guess Don's cleaning this one!
A frustrated Don picks up the items, grumbling to himself:
Just get some decent furniture that
Don is falling between the skyscrapers. As he reaches the
whiskey ad, he lands inside the glass with a SPLASH. Beat.
The whiskey drains from the glass. Don climbs to the rim,
looking drunk and disheveled.
You people don't fugging know me!
I w- I won a fucking Cleo! So you
kiss my white--!
Don PUKES over the side of the glass.
Don enters his office. CLOSE on his briefcase as he places
it on the floor. It accidentally opens and an insane
amount of pornography pours out (including some nasty VHS
A SECRETARY SILHOUETTE politely enters.
Everything okay, Mr. D-
Don pathetically gets on his knees and scrambles up the
Oh, this, it's research for a
campaign, um, Kodak, er, I-
Don falls past the engagement rind ad. The male hand in the
ad quickly grabs Don. Don screams. FOLLOW the hand as it
moves toward a giant's mouth. The giant bites Don in half.
Don falls between the skyscrapers. As he reaches the
swinging woman's leg, it KICKS him off screen with
CUT TO the green "Breaking Bad" title screen. Don flies in
and grabs onto the bottom of the "Ba" square.
Oh thank Christ!
The yellow meth smoke enters and envelops Don.
Don falls off screen. Quick PAN DOWN. He's landed on the
bottom of the "Rubicon" intro. He looks up at the title.
What the hell's a Rubicon?
Don falls between the skyscrapers. Suddenly, SUPERMAN (in
silhouette) swoops in and grabs him.
CLOSER on Don and Superman. The scene mimics the romantic
Lois/Superman flying scene from the '70s Superman complete
with string music.
It's so beautiful up here!
But not as beautiful as you, Don.
The final shot: PULL BACK to reveal Don on the couch in his
iconic pose. Keep PULLING BACK to reveal, instead of the
cigarette, he is holding one of the nasty VHS porn tapes:
"Backdoor Mama." He leans forward and pops it in a VCR. A TV
turns on and begins playing the movie.
[Pornographic moans and