Hardly Working: Stressed Out

By

Patrick Cassels & David Young

          INT. RICKY'S OFFICE -- MANWICH

          PAT sits at a desk that's covered in papers. He's in a shirt
          and tie and he is constantly moving papers from one side of
          the desk to the other, really frazzled. DAVID enters.

                              DAVID
                    Morning Pat. How's it going?

          As Pat responds to David, he get himself wound up, talking
          faster and more stressed. We repeat this often throughout.

                              PAT
                         (flipping through his stuff)
                    Ugh, David! "How's it going?!" I
                    mean, I have to go through all
                    these friggin' scripts before
                    lunch. My friggin' landlord just
                    called me and told me my drywall
                    has moisture. I got this click in
                    my lower elbow I don't know what
                    the hell it is! And I mean, I mean!
                         (takes a breath; then, calm)
                    I'm sorry. How are you?

          He listens to David but keeps moving papers. Very busy.

                              DAVID
                         (taken aback)
                    Wow, um. Sounds like you have a lot
                    going on. But I'm doing all right.
                    My in-laws are visiting. Which is
                    great. Except the fold-out couch
                    barely works and they complain
                    every chance they get because it's
                    not comfortable! Meanwhile any
                    reservation I make for dinner they
                    have a problem with because they
                    don't eat chicken, they don't eat
                    pork, fish makes them puke and I
                    mean, I mean...

          At some point David gets up and starts to do a weird,
          stressed out mini-pace (see writers for demonstration).

                              DAVID
                    ...I mean, I mean.
                         (takes breath; then)
                    I'm sorry. How are you?

                              PAT
                    WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW AM I? You just
                    asked me! Are you listening or not
                    or are you just going about your
                    day not listening to anyone? You
                    gotta clean out your ears man...
                         (quick look at phone)
                    ...oh and my landlord says there's
                    even more moisture than we thought
                    in the drywall. I just-- I mean, I
                    mean, I mean, I mean, I mean...
                         (fast, powerful breath; then)
                    I'm sorry. How are you?

          Suddenly, STREETER pops his head in with a knock.

                              STREETER
                    You guys are being crazy loud. Is
                    everything okay?

                              DAVE/PAT
                         (totally normal)
                    Yeah. / Of course.

                              STREETER
                    Okay, cool.
                         (beat)
                    So, how are you?

          David/Pat burst into simultaneous rants. David resumes his
          fast mini-pace.

                              DAVID
                    Well Pat's giving me a hard time!
                    On top of that I have my in-laws to
                    deal with and my friggin' Visa is
                    completely maxed out and I mean, I
                    mean, I mean, I mean, I mean...

                              PAT
                    I this got this friggin' clicky
                    elbow! I don't know: is it good, is
                    it bad? I mean I joined a tennis
                    club so maybe it's tennis elbow but
                    I only joined for the restaurant! I
                    should never have joined I mean, I
                    mean I mean, I mean I mean...

                              DAVID/PAT
                         (to Street)
                    I'm sorry. How are you?

                              DAVID
                         (to Pat)
                    Jinx!

                              PAT
                    Oh, great! So now I can't talk
                    which is just perfect, I can't talk
                    to you or Streeter or my landlord
                    who-- God knows how that moisture
                    in my drywall's doing.
                         (beat; to David)
                    Sorry, how are you doing man?

          David punches Pat.

                              DAVID
                    How do you think I'm doing? You're
                    not even respecting the jinx, and
                    on top of that I...
                         (beat)
                    Sorry, hey, how are you doing?

                              STREETER
                    You know, you're jobs aren't THAT
                    stressful guys.

          During the next line, Pat gets up and pops a butterscotch
          candy in his mouth then sits again. He never stops speaking.

                              PAT
                    Of course they are I mean, I mean,
                    I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I
                    mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I
                    mean.
                         (beat)
                    I'm sorry. How are you?

                              STREETER
                         (thoughtful and slow)
                    Okay. If you guys really want to
                    know, I am also stressed. I am
                    dealing with something that is
                    potentially life altering. And I
                    don't know how to deal with it.

          Streeter looks up and sees Pat and David both playing Game
          Gear with the volume up high, ignoring Streeter.

                              STREETER
                    Are those Game Gears?

          END.