Doctor Who RPG
By Caldwell Tanner & Susanna Wolff
A TITLE CARD for a 16-bit RPG: DOCTOR WHO
Options appear. SONIC SCREWDRIVER pointer selects 'LOAD
GAME.'
TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 1 - A NEW DOCTOR, below it,
a TARDIS icon spins next to text that reads: LOADING...
INT. TARDIS
The 10TH DOCTOR begins to glow. Cut to evolution screen.
TEXT BOX: WHAT? THE TENTH DOCTOR IS REGENERATING
10TH DOCTOR changes to 11TH in a pokémon-style evolution.
TEXT BOX: TENTH DOCTOR regenerated into ELEVENTH DOCTOR!
Pokémon-style menu appears. Pointer selects QUEST LOG.
(NOTE: Bold = selected) Options are: NEW COMPANION, COOL BOW
TIE, BETTER VILLAINS, INCREASINGLY COMPLEX STORY-ARCS.
Screen flashes to pkmn-style battle. YOUNG AMY appears.
TEXT BOX: A wild AMYPOND appears!
AMY: There's a crack in my wall!
YOUNG AMY slides over, CRACK slides in next to her.
TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used FISH STICKS AND CUSTARD!
TEXT BOX: COMPANION FOUND!...BUT SHE'S 9.
TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used TARDIS
TARDIS warps in and warps screen. AMY is now older.
TEXT BOX: AMY evolved into SEXY GINGER! COMPANION ACQUIRED!
Victory music plays, screen goes to black.
TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 2 - THE WEEPING ANGELS
INT. BYZANTIUM - FINAL FANTASY VI STYLE FIGHT SCENE
DOCTOR, AMY, RIVER, and SOLDIER vs. WEEPING ANGEL
All characters except SOLDIER select DON'T BLINK from the
battle command window. SOLDIER selects BLINK.
SOLDIER: Bollocks!
SOLDIER dissolves from existence.
cut to black, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 3 - RORY
INT. BAR
DOCTOR approaches RORY
DOCTOR: Rory! I need you to come with me!
RORY: Why?
Three options appear with a sonic screwdriver pointer.
DOCTOR: Your girlfriend is in love with me / I made out with
your girlfriend / AMY IS IN DANGER, JUST GET IN MY
SPACESHIP.
TEXT BOX: RORY joins the party!
CRACK appears on wall behind them.
TEXT BOX: A WILD CRACK appeared! (Seriously? Again??)
TEXT BOX: CRACK uses SILENCE
RORY gets sucked into CRACK
TEXT BOX: RORY HAS BEEN ERASED FROM TIME.
TEXT BOX: RORY left the party. Also, existence.
Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 4 - THE PANDORICA
INT. MUSEUM - PANDORICA EXHIBIT
RORY, wearing centurion gear, is standing next to PANDORICA,
Doctor warps in wearing fez and holding a mop.
DOCTOR: Rory! What are you doing here?
RORY: Doctor?? But You're supposed to be in the Pandorica!
DOCTOR: Well I was! But I'm destined to escape due to a
predefined time loop condition that can only be accessed
when time fields are collapsing due to extreme duress from
unstable non-linear temporal matrices.
Text begins scrolling too quickly. TEXT BOX appears over it.
TEXT BOX: Skip explanation and accept that that's just how
time works in this show?
Options include: YES / NO / ALLONS-Y!
INT. WEDDING
AMY, RORY, DOCTOR, RIVER etc. all dance to Final Fantasy
victory music. 'TIME TRAVEL' appears in big glittering font
below them.
TEXT BOX: You escaped the Pandorica and rewrote time itself!
TEXT BOX: You gain SOMETHING OLD (x1), SOMETHING NEW (x1),
SOMETHING BORROWED (x1) and SOMETHING BLUE (x1)!
Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 1 - SILENCE FALLS
EXT. LAKE SILENCIO - FFVI STYLE BATTLE SCENE
DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT
From his battle options DOCTOR selects DO NOTHING, the
ASTRONAUT shoots him for -9999 damage. He dies.
TITLE CARD reads GAME OVER, options appear as follows:
GAME OVER: Retry / Quit / Bring Rory Back to Life / Just
assume Writers know what the hell they're doing and move on.
Doctor walks in from left, Silence walks in from right.
Amy: So wait, You're still alive, that alien's wearing a
suit, and I'm pregnant maybe? How is any of this happening?
Larger version of the 'TIME TRAVEL' text appears. Victory
Music plays.
TEXT BOX: The Doctor rejoined the party! Amy got (x1) baby.
Silence counter appears at bottom of screen, it is a hand
with sharpie notches drawn on it. one notch shows up.
Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 2 - DEMON'S RUN
INT. DEMON'S RUN
SILENCE COUNTER is at 4 notches. Amy is holding a BABY.
EYEPATCH LADY rams her, it flies up and the Lady catches it.
AMY: My baby!
RIVER, RORY, AND DOCTOR run onto screen.
AMY: River, what do we do?
RIVER'S JOURNAL appears, opens. It reads "Choose a
Question."
QUESTIONS: Who are you? / What is The Silence? / Is Rory
Dead?
River: I've secretly been your daughter this whole time!
AMY and RORY: WHAT?!?
'TIME TRAVEL' text flashes. Victory Music plays.
TEXT BOX: AMY AND RORY level up! They are now PARENTS!
Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 3 - FINAL BATTLE
EXT. LAKE SILENCIO
DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT
TEXT BOX: IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT uses REVEAL.
TEXT BOX: ASTRONAUT was secretly RIVER SONG!
ASTRONAUT's helmet is removed to reveal RIVER SONG's head.
TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used ESCAPE DEATH.
River shoots him. Nothing happens.
TEXT BOX: It worked! (Well of course it worked, have you
even been paying attention?)
River and Doctor kiss, suddenly a GIANT QUESTION MARK
appears.
TEXT BOX: FINAL BOSS: THE ULTIMATE QUESTION
TEXT BOX: DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHOOOOOOOO?
A Box appears in middle of screen. It reads: WHAT WILL YOU
DO?
OPTIONS: ANSWER QUESTION / WAIT UNTIL NEXT SEASON / WRITE
FAN FICTION WHERE DOCTOR AND RORY KISS.
Pointer clicks down twice, hesitates, clicks to last option.
DJUH DJUH
