Original

Shorts / Doctor Who RPG

From CH Staff on April 3, 2012

Now available for the BBCSNES!

Doctor Who RPG

By Caldwell Tanner & Susanna Wolff

          A TITLE CARD for a 16-bit RPG: DOCTOR WHO

          Options appear. SONIC SCREWDRIVER pointer selects 'LOAD
          GAME.'

          TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 1 - A NEW DOCTOR, below it,
          a TARDIS icon spins next to text that reads: LOADING...

          INT. TARDIS

          The 10TH DOCTOR begins to glow. Cut to evolution screen.

          TEXT BOX: WHAT? THE TENTH DOCTOR IS REGENERATING

          10TH DOCTOR changes to 11TH in a pokémon-style evolution.

          TEXT BOX: TENTH DOCTOR regenerated into ELEVENTH DOCTOR!

          Pokémon-style menu appears. Pointer selects QUEST LOG.
          (NOTE: Bold = selected) Options are: NEW COMPANION, COOL BOW
          TIE, BETTER VILLAINS, INCREASINGLY COMPLEX STORY-ARCS.

          Screen flashes to pkmn-style battle. YOUNG AMY appears.

          TEXT BOX: A wild AMYPOND appears!

          AMY: There's a crack in my wall!

          YOUNG AMY slides over, CRACK slides in next to her.

          TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used FISH STICKS AND CUSTARD!

          TEXT BOX: COMPANION FOUND!...BUT SHE'S 9.

          TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used TARDIS

          TARDIS warps in and warps screen. AMY is now older.

          TEXT BOX: AMY evolved into SEXY GINGER! COMPANION ACQUIRED!

          Victory music plays, screen goes to black.

          TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 2 - THE WEEPING ANGELS

          INT. BYZANTIUM - FINAL FANTASY VI STYLE FIGHT SCENE

          DOCTOR, AMY, RIVER, and SOLDIER vs. WEEPING ANGEL

          All characters except SOLDIER select DON'T BLINK from the
          battle command window. SOLDIER selects BLINK.

          SOLDIER: Bollocks!

          SOLDIER dissolves from existence.

          cut to black, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 3 - RORY

          INT. BAR

          DOCTOR approaches RORY

          DOCTOR: Rory! I need you to come with me!

          RORY: Why?

          Three options appear with a sonic screwdriver pointer.

          DOCTOR: Your girlfriend is in love with me / I made out with
          your girlfriend / AMY IS IN DANGER, JUST GET IN MY
          SPACESHIP.

          TEXT BOX: RORY joins the party!

          CRACK appears on wall behind them.

          TEXT BOX: A WILD CRACK appeared! (Seriously? Again??)

          TEXT BOX: CRACK uses SILENCE

          RORY gets sucked into CRACK

          TEXT BOX: RORY HAS BEEN ERASED FROM TIME.

          TEXT BOX: RORY left the party. Also, existence.

          Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 4 - THE PANDORICA

          INT. MUSEUM - PANDORICA EXHIBIT

          RORY, wearing centurion gear, is standing next to PANDORICA,
          Doctor warps in wearing fez and holding a mop.

          DOCTOR: Rory! What are you doing here?

          RORY: Doctor?? But You're supposed to be in the Pandorica!

          DOCTOR: Well I was! But I'm destined to escape due to a
          predefined time loop condition that can only be accessed
          when time fields are collapsing due to extreme duress from
          unstable non-linear temporal matrices.

          Text begins scrolling too quickly. TEXT BOX appears over it.

          TEXT BOX: Skip explanation and accept that that's just how
          time works in this show?

          Options include: YES / NO / ALLONS-Y!

          INT. WEDDING

          AMY, RORY, DOCTOR, RIVER etc. all dance to Final Fantasy
          victory music. 'TIME TRAVEL' appears in big glittering font
          below them.

          TEXT BOX: You escaped the Pandorica and rewrote time itself!

          TEXT BOX: You gain SOMETHING OLD (x1), SOMETHING NEW (x1),
          SOMETHING BORROWED (x1) and SOMETHING BLUE (x1)!

          Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 1 - SILENCE FALLS

          EXT. LAKE SILENCIO - FFVI STYLE BATTLE SCENE

          DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT

          From his battle options DOCTOR selects DO NOTHING, the
          ASTRONAUT shoots him for -9999 damage. He dies.

          TITLE CARD reads GAME OVER, options appear as follows:

          GAME OVER: Retry / Quit / Bring Rory Back to Life / Just
          assume Writers know what the hell they're doing and move on.

          Doctor walks in from left, Silence walks in from right.

          Amy: So wait, You're still alive, that alien's wearing a
          suit, and I'm pregnant maybe? How is any of this happening?

          Larger version of the 'TIME TRAVEL' text appears. Victory
          Music plays.

          TEXT BOX: The Doctor rejoined the party! Amy got (x1) baby.

          Silence counter appears at bottom of screen, it is a hand
          with sharpie notches drawn on it. one notch shows up.

          Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 2 - DEMON'S RUN

          INT. DEMON'S RUN

          SILENCE COUNTER is at 4 notches. Amy is holding a BABY.
          EYEPATCH LADY rams her, it flies up and the Lady catches it.

          AMY: My baby!

          RIVER, RORY, AND DOCTOR run onto screen.

          AMY: River, what do we do?

          RIVER'S JOURNAL appears, opens. It reads "Choose a
          Question."

          QUESTIONS: Who are you? / What is The Silence? / Is Rory
          Dead?

          River: I've secretly been your daughter this whole time!

          AMY and RORY: WHAT?!?

          'TIME TRAVEL' text flashes. Victory Music plays.

          TEXT BOX: AMY AND RORY level up! They are now PARENTS!

          Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 3 - FINAL BATTLE

          EXT. LAKE SILENCIO

          

          DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT

          TEXT BOX: IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT uses REVEAL. 

          TEXT BOX: ASTRONAUT was secretly RIVER SONG! 

          ASTRONAUT's helmet is removed to reveal RIVER SONG's head.

          TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used ESCAPE DEATH.

          River shoots him. Nothing happens.

          TEXT BOX: It worked! (Well of course it worked, have you
          even been paying attention?)

          River and Doctor kiss, suddenly a GIANT QUESTION MARK
          appears.

          TEXT BOX: FINAL BOSS: THE ULTIMATE QUESTION

          TEXT BOX: DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHOOOOOOOO?

          A Box appears in middle of screen. It reads: WHAT WILL YOU
          DO?

          OPTIONS: ANSWER QUESTION / WAIT UNTIL NEXT SEASON / WRITE
          FAN FICTION WHERE DOCTOR AND RORY KISS.

          Pointer clicks down twice, hesitates, clicks to last option.

          DJUH DJUH