Now available for the BBCSNES!
By Caldwell Tanner & Susanna Wolff
A TITLE CARD for a 16-bit RPG: DOCTOR WHO Options appear. SONIC SCREWDRIVER pointer selects 'LOAD GAME.' TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 1 - A NEW DOCTOR, below it, a TARDIS icon spins next to text that reads: LOADING... INT. TARDIS The 10TH DOCTOR begins to glow. Cut to evolution screen. TEXT BOX: WHAT? THE TENTH DOCTOR IS REGENERATING 10TH DOCTOR changes to 11TH in a pokémon-style evolution. TEXT BOX: TENTH DOCTOR regenerated into ELEVENTH DOCTOR! Pokémon-style menu appears. Pointer selects QUEST LOG. (NOTE: Bold = selected) Options are: NEW COMPANION, COOL BOW TIE, BETTER VILLAINS, INCREASINGLY COMPLEX STORY-ARCS. Screen flashes to pkmn-style battle. YOUNG AMY appears. TEXT BOX: A wild AMYPOND appears! AMY: There's a crack in my wall! YOUNG AMY slides over, CRACK slides in next to her. TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used FISH STICKS AND CUSTARD! TEXT BOX: COMPANION FOUND!...BUT SHE'S 9. TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used TARDIS TARDIS warps in and warps screen. AMY is now older. TEXT BOX: AMY evolved into SEXY GINGER! COMPANION ACQUIRED! Victory music plays, screen goes to black. TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 2 - THE WEEPING ANGELS INT. BYZANTIUM - FINAL FANTASY VI STYLE FIGHT SCENE DOCTOR, AMY, RIVER, and SOLDIER vs. WEEPING ANGEL All characters except SOLDIER select DON'T BLINK from the battle command window. SOLDIER selects BLINK. SOLDIER: Bollocks! SOLDIER dissolves from existence. cut to black, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 3 - RORY INT. BAR DOCTOR approaches RORY DOCTOR: Rory! I need you to come with me! RORY: Why? Three options appear with a sonic screwdriver pointer. DOCTOR: Your girlfriend is in love with me / I made out with your girlfriend / AMY IS IN DANGER, JUST GET IN MY SPACESHIP. TEXT BOX: RORY joins the party! CRACK appears on wall behind them. TEXT BOX: A WILD CRACK appeared! (Seriously? Again??) TEXT BOX: CRACK uses SILENCE RORY gets sucked into CRACK TEXT BOX: RORY HAS BEEN ERASED FROM TIME. TEXT BOX: RORY left the party. Also, existence. Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 5:PART 4 - THE PANDORICA INT. MUSEUM - PANDORICA EXHIBIT RORY, wearing centurion gear, is standing next to PANDORICA, Doctor warps in wearing fez and holding a mop. DOCTOR: Rory! What are you doing here? RORY: Doctor?? But You're supposed to be in the Pandorica! DOCTOR: Well I was! But I'm destined to escape due to a predefined time loop condition that can only be accessed when time fields are collapsing due to extreme duress from unstable non-linear temporal matrices. Text begins scrolling too quickly. TEXT BOX appears over it. TEXT BOX: Skip explanation and accept that that's just how time works in this show? Options include: YES / NO / ALLONS-Y! INT. WEDDING AMY, RORY, DOCTOR, RIVER etc. all dance to Final Fantasy victory music. 'TIME TRAVEL' appears in big glittering font below them. TEXT BOX: You escaped the Pandorica and rewrote time itself! TEXT BOX: You gain SOMETHING OLD (x1), SOMETHING NEW (x1), SOMETHING BORROWED (x1) and SOMETHING BLUE (x1)! Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 1 - SILENCE FALLS EXT. LAKE SILENCIO - FFVI STYLE BATTLE SCENE DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT From his battle options DOCTOR selects DO NOTHING, the ASTRONAUT shoots him for -9999 damage. He dies. TITLE CARD reads GAME OVER, options appear as follows: GAME OVER: Retry / Quit / Bring Rory Back to Life / Just assume Writers know what the hell they're doing and move on. Doctor walks in from left, Silence walks in from right. Amy: So wait, You're still alive, that alien's wearing a suit, and I'm pregnant maybe? How is any of this happening? Larger version of the 'TIME TRAVEL' text appears. Victory Music plays. TEXT BOX: The Doctor rejoined the party! Amy got (x1) baby. Silence counter appears at bottom of screen, it is a hand with sharpie notches drawn on it. one notch shows up. Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 2 - DEMON'S RUN INT. DEMON'S RUN SILENCE COUNTER is at 4 notches. Amy is holding a BABY. EYEPATCH LADY rams her, it flies up and the Lady catches it. AMY: My baby! RIVER, RORY, AND DOCTOR run onto screen. AMY: River, what do we do? RIVER'S JOURNAL appears, opens. It reads "Choose a Question." QUESTIONS: Who are you? / What is The Silence? / Is Rory Dead? River: I've secretly been your daughter this whole time! AMY and RORY: WHAT?!? 'TIME TRAVEL' text flashes. Victory Music plays. TEXT BOX: AMY AND RORY level up! They are now PARENTS! Blackout, TITLE CARD reads CHAPTER 6:PART 3 - FINAL BATTLE EXT. LAKE SILENCIO DOCTOR vs. THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT TEXT BOX: IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT uses REVEAL. TEXT BOX: ASTRONAUT was secretly RIVER SONG! ASTRONAUT's helmet is removed to reveal RIVER SONG's head. TEXT BOX: DOCTOR used ESCAPE DEATH. River shoots him. Nothing happens. TEXT BOX: It worked! (Well of course it worked, have you even been paying attention?) River and Doctor kiss, suddenly a GIANT QUESTION MARK appears. TEXT BOX: FINAL BOSS: THE ULTIMATE QUESTION TEXT BOX: DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHO? DOCTOR WHOOOOOOOO? A Box appears in middle of screen. It reads: WHAT WILL YOU DO? OPTIONS: ANSWER QUESTION / WAIT UNTIL NEXT SEASON / WRITE FAN FICTION WHERE DOCTOR AND RORY KISS. Pointer clicks down twice, hesitates, clicks to last option. DJUH DJUH