Sexy models caught in their natural environment: unnatural environments.
By Ben Joseph
NOTE: To be shot in a NATURALISTIC, DOCUMENTARY style. EXT. FIELD A golden field of high grass. GREG, rustic and folksy in camo, carries photo equipment into the field. GREG (V.O.) My name's Greg Treschuk, I'm a freelance nature photographer. GREG (to camera) This looks like a good spot. On a DUCK CALL, Greg plays a few notes of Dave Matthew's "Satellite." GREG (V.O.) And I'm here to shoot the rare American Eagle... Camera ZOOMS to a point in the field. Young, attractive MODELS in AMERICAN EAGLE CLOTHES poke their heads up. GREG (V.O.) ...model. They run toward camera. Their movement is a silly mix of MODEL POSING and SUDDEN DEER-LIKE MOVEMENTS. GREG (hushed tones) Oh yeah, this is some great stuff. INT. GREG'S STUDIO - TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW Greg reviews some FINISHED AD CAMPAIGNS. GREG These are all my work. Models aren't hard to find once you know where to look. Old barns, waterfalls, abandoned steel mills. INT./EXT. BARN Greg follows an old FARMER who leads him into an old barn. FARMER Tried taser, rat poison, shotgun, nothing seems to scare 'em. Inside the barn, four MODELS crawl over some piles of hay. GREG Wow, look at the ethnic ambiguity here. Really prime specimens. Greg snaps some shots. The models, spooked, contort themselves over the hay bales. One hangs his arms on a rafter and pouts. GREG (pointing) Look how defined the "V" of that one's pelvic bone is. He's definitely the alpha. QUICK SHOTS of Greg, in nature, shooting oblivious models wearing the following: GREG (V.O.) Wool scarves with no shirts, snow pants and sandals, wet-suits bottoms and messenger bags... It's like they're trying to mimic human behavior, but just can't get it right. INT. BARN Greg points to a model incongruously holding a SURFBOARD. GREG (points) Look, that one's carrying a surfboard. He has no idea what to do with it. FARMER (noticing something outside) Ah, shoot, they're up on my Chevy again. The farmer picks up his PITCHFORK. GREG (to camera) They love vintage cars. Camera follow farmer outside, where three models contort and pose on the back of a VINTAGE CONVERTIBLE. The farmer scares them off with his pitchfork. FARMER Get on out of here, ya tight-abbed, sun-kissed varmints! INT. GREG'S STUDIO GREG When I was younger, I went out after American Apparel models- INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE An ASIAN GIRL in a WEIRD SPANDEX THING snarls at Greg from a DIRTY MATTRESS. GREG (V.O.) -but that kind of work... It just ain't safe after a while. A PORTABLE FLASH held by a MALE ASSISTANT goes off. The model, furious, leaps onto him and starts tearing him apart. EXT. BEACH Four models splash each other flirtatiously while Greg takes pictures. GREG (V.O.) Their behavior, while it looks like courtship, never actually ends in intercourse. (beat) Most of the males are gay. CUT TO: Gary assembles an AIR RIFLE. GARY (as he builds it) Every once in a while, they'll ask me to dart one and send it back to the store for display purposes. Gary shoots a dart into the neck of a male model awkwardly building a sand castle. It collapses. INT. AMERICAN EAGLE STORE The model, scared and confused, stands chained to a rack of jeans. He freaks out as a TEEN GIRL admires his scarf. GARY (V.O.) Breaks my heart. EXT. FARM Gary shoots some models playing around an OLD TRACTOR. He pauses, looking up from behind his camera. GARY (V.O.) (wistful) Sometimes, behind the perpetual vague disinterest, you think you see a glimmer of human intelligence. One male model starts LICKING A TREE. Gary frowns. GARY (V.O.) Then you remember, no, they're nothing but big, dumb, beautiful animals. END. POST-HUH: Gary's exactly where we left him. GARY God, I want to f*#k them.