Very Mary-Kate: Slumber Party

By

Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich

          INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

          MARY-KATE and ASHLEY are having a slumber party under the
          sheets on the bed.

                              ASHLEY
                    OMG, MK, having a slumber party was
                    such a good idea!

                              MARY-KATE
                    Truth or dare!

                              ASHLEY
                    Truth.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Have you ever...

          She does a blowjob motion.

                              ASHLEY
                    Eaten a banana?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Gross, no!

          She does it again.

                              ASHLEY
                    Given a blowjob?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Grosser, no!

          She does it again.

                              ASHLEY
                    Fallen asleep on the microphone at
                    a graduation speech at FIT?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yes, obviously.

                              ASHLEY
                    Oh my God, of course.  Don't be
                    silly, I'm an adult.
                         (excitedly)
                    Truth or dare.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Dare.

                              ASHLEY
                    I dare you to prank call someone.

          Mary-Kate picks up a phone from O.S.

                              PHONE (VO)
                         (male)
                    Mary-Kate's office?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Hey, it's me.  Can you get Elijah
                    Wood on the phone?

                              PHONE (VO)
                         (male)
                    Just a second.
                         (ring, female)
                    Elijah Wood's office?
                         (male)
                    I have Mary-Kate Olsen for Elijah
                    Wood?
                         (female)
                    I'll patch him through.
                         (Elijah)
                    Hello?

                              MARY-KATE
                    You suck!

          She hangs up.

                              MARY-KATE (CONT.)
                         (giggly)
                    He had no idea it was me!

                              ASHLEY
                    What now?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Let's play marry, eff, and kill.

                              ASHLEY
                    Oooh, good idea.  I would marry,
                    eff, and kill... Warren Buffet. 
                    He's already old, so, it wouldn't
                    be suspicious.  The wedding would
                    be off the hook.  And as for
                    effing... ehhh.
                         (excitedly)
                    Mark Zuckerberg.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Pillow fight!

                              ASHLEY
                         (revealing a pillow)
                    My pillow cost five thousand
                    dollars.

                              MARY-KATE
                         (revealing a pillow,
                         disappointed)
                    My pillow cost only four thousand-

                              ASHLEY
                    Ha!

                              MARY-KATE
                         (cruelly)
                    Euro!

                              ASHLEY
                         (resigned)
                    You win.

                              MARY-KATE
                    And that's just the case.

                              ASHLEY
                    Ouch!  Stop!  I said you win.

                              MARY-KATE
                    I'm glad we're doing this
                    Ash-tray.  You know, sometimes,
                    during the day, we can seem pretty
                    different.  But tonight, under
                    these overpriced, double-king-sized
                    sheets, we seem pretty much the
                    same.

                              ASHLEY
                    Twins forever?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yeah, I guess that's how twins
                    works.

          The phone rings.  Mary-Kate picks up.

                              MARY-KATE (CONT.)
                    Hello?

                              PHONE (VO)
                    Mary-Kate, I have Elijah Wood for
                    you.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Ah yes.  Put him on.

                              PHONE (VO)
                         (Elijah)
                    YOU suck.

          Dial tone.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Who the heck was that?

          End.