First one to fall asleep gets a hand in warm Pellegrino.
By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT MARY-KATE and ASHLEY are having a slumber party under the sheets on the bed. ASHLEY OMG, MK, having a slumber party was such a good idea! MARY-KATE Truth or dare! ASHLEY Truth. MARY-KATE Have you ever... She does a blowjob motion. ASHLEY Eaten a banana? MARY-KATE Gross, no! She does it again. ASHLEY Given a blowjob? MARY-KATE Grosser, no! She does it again. ASHLEY Fallen asleep on the microphone at a graduation speech at FIT? MARY-KATE Yes, obviously. ASHLEY Oh my God, of course. Don't be silly, I'm an adult. (excitedly) Truth or dare. MARY-KATE Dare. ASHLEY I dare you to prank call someone. Mary-Kate picks up a phone from O.S. PHONE (VO) (male) Mary-Kate's office? MARY-KATE Hey, it's me. Can you get Elijah Wood on the phone? PHONE (VO) (male) Just a second. (ring, female) Elijah Wood's office? (male) I have Mary-Kate Olsen for Elijah Wood? (female) I'll patch him through. (Elijah) Hello? MARY-KATE You suck! She hangs up. MARY-KATE (CONT.) (giggly) He had no idea it was me! ASHLEY What now? MARY-KATE Let's play marry, eff, and kill. ASHLEY Oooh, good idea. I would marry, eff, and kill... Warren Buffet. He's already old, so, it wouldn't be suspicious. The wedding would be off the hook. And as for effing... ehhh. (excitedly) Mark Zuckerberg. MARY-KATE Pillow fight! ASHLEY (revealing a pillow) My pillow cost five thousand dollars. MARY-KATE (revealing a pillow, disappointed) My pillow cost only four thousand- ASHLEY Ha! MARY-KATE (cruelly) Euro! ASHLEY (resigned) You win. MARY-KATE And that's just the case. ASHLEY Ouch! Stop! I said you win. MARY-KATE I'm glad we're doing this Ash-tray. You know, sometimes, during the day, we can seem pretty different. But tonight, under these overpriced, double-king-sized sheets, we seem pretty much the same. ASHLEY Twins forever? MARY-KATE Yeah, I guess that's how twins works. The phone rings. Mary-Kate picks up. MARY-KATE (CONT.) Hello? PHONE (VO) Mary-Kate, I have Elijah Wood for you. MARY-KATE Ah yes. Put him on. PHONE (VO) (Elijah) YOU suck. Dial tone. MARY-KATE Who the heck was that? End.