Very Mary-Kate: Draw Something

By

Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich

          INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

          MARY-KATE knocks on BODYGUARD's door.  He answers.

                              BODYGUARD
                    Mary-Kate.

          She's holding an iPad.

                              MARY-KATE
                    Mary-Kate was taken.  I'm
                    OMGPOP47903.

                              BODYGUARD
                    What's going on?

                              MARY-KATE
                         (holding up iPad)
                    You haven't responded to my Draw
                    Something!

                              BODYGUARD
                    Draw Something?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yeah, it's like Pictionary but it's
                    more fun because you're alone and
                    you can take Facebook breaks.

                              BODYGUARD
                    If I guess the word, will you go
                    home?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Cross my heart and hope to die,
                    stick a needle in my arm-
                         (becoming drugged)
                    -stick a daaagaaah...

          Bodyguard takes Mary-Kate's iPad.

                              MARY-KATE
                    First you watch me draw!

          Throughout the following, we cut back and forth between
          Mary-Kate and her corresponding drawings on the iPad
          screen.  First, we see a bunch of red scribbles one after
          the other.

                              BODYGUARD
                    Is the word "red"?

                              MARY-KATE
                    No, silly.  I'm just auditioning
                    swatches.  I bought the thousand
                    dollar infrared package, including
                    subtle variants indistinguishable
                    to the human eye.  That's infrared
                    4.  7. 12. 4 again.

                              BODYGUARD
                    Can I speed this up?

                              MARY-KATE
                    No!  Isn't it fun?  Okay, so, now I
                    tried to erase around the red to
                    make a circle... but then I gave
                    up.  So then I tried to make a
                    circle out of red... but then I
                    gave up.  And then I almost had
                    it, but then Comet jumped on me. 
                    And then I tried to draw Comet...
                    but then I gave up.

                              BODYGUARD
                    Is the word "cat"?

                              MARY-KATE
                    No.  So then I lost my train of
                    thought and started to make a task
                    list for tomorrow.  So I wrote
                    "TASK LIST," but I didn't like the
                    red.  So then I tried out more reds
                    for a while, but I didn't like any
                    of them, so I wrote "Buy more
                    reds."

                              BODYGUARD
                    Why is it stopped?

                              MARY-KATE
                    This is when I got tired of drawing
                    and took a car service over to
                    Banksy's apartment, where he did
                    this beautiful rendition of a boy
                    and balloon.  But then I erased it,
                    because I had forgotten to tell him
                    the word.  It's a shame, but that's
                    street art for you.

          Bodyguard stares at her.

                              MARY-KATE
                    So then, on the way home, I
                    accidentally pocket-drew for a
                    while.  And then I thought I saw
                    Jesus in the pocket-drawing, so I
                    called over a priest and traced it
                    for him.  But the priest said he
                    saw a hotdog on a stick, and he
                    traced that for me.  And then I had
                    a crisis of faith in which I thought
                    hotdogs were God, and I tried to
                    draw a tribute in which the whole
                    world was bent over in worship of an
                    Oscar Myer wiener, but then I gave
                    up and just wrote the word.  It's
                    "cup."

                              BODYGUARD
                    Cup?

                              MARY-KATE
                    Yay, you got it!  Your turn.

          Bodyguard quickly draws and turns the iPad around.  It's
          clearly a flower.

                              MARY-KATE
                         (flatly)
                    Pass.

          END.