Mary-Kate challenges Bodyguard to some 1am Pictionary.
By Elaine Carroll & Sam Reich
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT MARY-KATE knocks on BODYGUARD's door. He answers. BODYGUARD Mary-Kate. She's holding an iPad. MARY-KATE Mary-Kate was taken. I'm OMGPOP47903. BODYGUARD What's going on? MARY-KATE (holding up iPad) You haven't responded to my Draw Something! BODYGUARD Draw Something? MARY-KATE Yeah, it's like Pictionary but it's more fun because you're alone and you can take Facebook breaks. BODYGUARD If I guess the word, will you go home? MARY-KATE Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my arm- (becoming drugged) -stick a daaagaaah... Bodyguard takes Mary-Kate's iPad. MARY-KATE First you watch me draw! Throughout the following, we cut back and forth between Mary-Kate and her corresponding drawings on the iPad screen. First, we see a bunch of red scribbles one after the other. BODYGUARD Is the word "red"? MARY-KATE No, silly. I'm just auditioning swatches. I bought the thousand dollar infrared package, including subtle variants indistinguishable to the human eye. That's infrared 4. 7. 12. 4 again. BODYGUARD Can I speed this up? MARY-KATE No! Isn't it fun? Okay, so, now I tried to erase around the red to make a circle... but then I gave up. So then I tried to make a circle out of red... but then I gave up. And then I almost had it, but then Comet jumped on me. And then I tried to draw Comet... but then I gave up. BODYGUARD Is the word "cat"? MARY-KATE No. So then I lost my train of thought and started to make a task list for tomorrow. So I wrote "TASK LIST," but I didn't like the red. So then I tried out more reds for a while, but I didn't like any of them, so I wrote "Buy more reds." BODYGUARD Why is it stopped? MARY-KATE This is when I got tired of drawing and took a car service over to Banksy's apartment, where he did this beautiful rendition of a boy and balloon. But then I erased it, because I had forgotten to tell him the word. It's a shame, but that's street art for you. Bodyguard stares at her. MARY-KATE So then, on the way home, I accidentally pocket-drew for a while. And then I thought I saw Jesus in the pocket-drawing, so I called over a priest and traced it for him. But the priest said he saw a hotdog on a stick, and he traced that for me. And then I had a crisis of faith in which I thought hotdogs were God, and I tried to draw a tribute in which the whole world was bent over in worship of an Oscar Myer wiener, but then I gave up and just wrote the word. It's "cup." BODYGUARD Cup? MARY-KATE Yay, you got it! Your turn. Bodyguard quickly draws and turns the iPad around. It's clearly a flower. MARY-KATE (flatly) Pass. END.