From CH Staff on
He's God's GIF to mankind.UnsSubscribe ToFrom Hardly Working
By Patrick Cassels & Josh Ruben
INT. SAM'S OFFICE SAM works at his desk. He looks extremely excited. Pat enters, knocking, looking at his phone. PAT Hey Sam, you uh called me 15 times? SAM Pat! Pat! Pat! Have a seat. PAT Wow, what's up? SAM I've been thinking about what you said. About how GIFs are blowing up on the World Wide Net. So here's my pitch: CollegeHumor GIFs! I though of the name myself. PAT Oh, cool. Yeah, we should get in touch with an animator-- SAM Animator? No no, why would we do that when we have Josh? PAT Josh? REALLY QUICK PAN to Josh, suddenly next to Pat. JOSH Hey! PAT Ah! SAM I've promoted Josh to senior GIF performer. PAT What does that mean? SAM Josh, show 'em! Josh looks up from the pad he was writing on, looks at Pat with a corny smile, then robotically repeats the maneuver on a loop, just like a GIF. Kind of. He continues doing it. SAM Perfect! We're gonna be rich! PAT Sam, that's not how GIFs work. GIFs are, like, a series of photographs that you loop with a computer. SAM Ummmmmm, that sounds made up. Like maybe you were misled? I'm not calling you a liar. The point is we'll just film my main man Josh here! Josh, do cereal. JOSH You got it, Sam. Josh clears his throat and cracks his knuckles. The cracking is really loud for some reason. PAT (quick whisper) Jesus that was loud. Josh mimes a loop of bringing a spoon to his mouth, again with a big corny smile. Sam bursts our laughing. SAM Hysterical! We've stuck oil! PAT So let me get this straight: We wouldn't animate anything? We would just film Josh eating cereal over and over and over? SAM Of course not, Pat. Josh and I have perfected over 300 unique GIFs. Do you want to see them? PAT Definitely not-- SAM The Turn-and-Point! Josh loops a cheesy turn and point with his finger. SAM The Turn-and-Shoot! Josh loops a turn and "shoot" motion with his finger. SAM The Shoot-and-Smirk! Josh loops a stupid smirk and a "shoot" motion. SAM The Checkin' out a Babe. Josh, suddenly wearing sunglasses, lowers them like a dude in an '80s movie. SAM Hands-through-Hair AKA Cool Guy. Josh puts his hands through his hair. SAM My personal favorite, Cereal. Josh does the cereal motion again, on a loop. PAT And last but not least, the "Get Outta My Face!" Josh aggressively turns to Pat. JOSH GET OUTTA MY FACE! GET OUTTA MY FACE! GET OUTTA MY FACE! PAT Wait, there's not talking in GIFs. SINGLE on Josh, now silently mouthing "Get outta my face!" as yellow Italicized subtitles (the type normally used for dialogue GIFs) appear. CUT TO 2-SHOT of Josh and Pat. Pat stares at Josh's subtitles, amazed that he can see them. Pat cautiously touches the end of one subtitle and is literally shocked. PAT (pulling hand back) Ow! SAM Yeah you don't want to touch those. They were sent from God. PAT Sam, I admit this is -- I dunno impressive? But I don't think it's gonna work. You can't just have Josh do everything. I mean, what about GIFs from movies? Those are huge. Like the Indiana Jones one. SAM (waving hands at Pat) Already taken care of. Josh, do the Indiana Jones... Josh puts on a fedora and begins doing the cereal loop once again. He continues doing this as PAt and Sam Talk. SAM I call that "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Kix." That's K-I-X, as in the breakfast cereal. PAT (sighs) I'm not trying to be negative. But, think about it, GIFs are supposed to go on endlessly. You'd have to film Josh doing it, for, I don't know... SMASH CUT TO: LEGEND: 24 HOURS A disheveled Pat snorts himself awake, he looks over to Josh. WIDE SHOT reveals Josh is still in the fedora eating cereal. Pat, surprised, looks at Sam. REVERSE reveals Sam, leaning forward, wide awake, smiling and staring right at Pat. It's almost creepy. He moves his eyebrows and gives a cheese "How 'bout that!" noise. PAT (beat; half asleep) Okay, welcome aboard. JOSH Awesome dude! Awesome dude! Awesome dude! PAT/SAM (a burst of sudden anger) ENOUGH! END.