He's God's GIF to mankind.
By Patrick Cassels & Josh Ruben
INT. SAM'S OFFICE
SAM works at his desk. He looks extremely excited. Pat
enters, knocking, looking at his phone.
Hey Sam, you uh called me 15 times?
Pat! Pat! Pat! Have a seat.
Wow, what's up?
I've been thinking about what you
said. About how GIFs are blowing
up on the World Wide Net. So
here's my pitch: CollegeHumor
GIFs! I though of the name myself.
Oh, cool. Yeah, we should get in
touch with an animator--
Animator? No no, why would we do
that when we have Josh?
REALLY QUICK PAN to Josh, suddenly next to Pat.
I've promoted Josh to senior GIF
What does that mean?
Josh, show 'em!
Josh looks up from the pad he was writing on, looks at Pat
with a corny smile, then robotically repeats the maneuver on
a loop, just like a GIF. Kind of. He continues doing it.
Perfect! We're gonna be rich!
Sam, that's not how GIFs work.
GIFs are, like, a series of
photographs that you loop with a
Ummmmmm, that sounds made up. Like
maybe you were misled? I'm not
calling you a liar. The point is
we'll just film my main man Josh
here! Josh, do cereal.
You got it, Sam.
Josh clears his throat and cracks his knuckles. The
cracking is really loud for some reason.
Jesus that was loud.
Josh mimes a loop of bringing a spoon to his mouth, again
with a big corny smile. Sam bursts our laughing.
Hysterical! We've stuck oil!
So let me get this straight: We
wouldn't animate anything? We
would just film Josh eating cereal
over and over and over?
Of course not, Pat. Josh and I
have perfected over 300 unique
GIFs. Do you want to see them?
Josh loops a cheesy turn and point with his finger.
Josh loops a turn and "shoot" motion with his finger.
Josh loops a stupid smirk and a "shoot" motion.
The Checkin' out a Babe.
Josh, suddenly wearing sunglasses, lowers them like a dude
in an '80s movie.
Hands-through-Hair AKA Cool Guy.
Josh puts his hands through his hair.
My personal favorite, Cereal.
Josh does the cereal motion again, on a loop.
And last but not least, the "Get
Outta My Face!"
Josh aggressively turns to Pat.
GET OUTTA MY FACE! GET OUTTA MY
FACE! GET OUTTA MY FACE!
Wait, there's not talking in GIFs.
SINGLE on Josh, now silently mouthing "Get outta my face!"
as yellow Italicized subtitles (the type normally used for
dialogue GIFs) appear.
CUT TO 2-SHOT of Josh and Pat. Pat stares at Josh's
subtitles, amazed that he can see them. Pat cautiously
touches the end of one subtitle and is literally shocked.
(pulling hand back)
Yeah you don't want to touch
those. They were sent from God.
Sam, I admit this is -- I dunno
impressive? But I don't think it's
gonna work. You can't just have
Josh do everything. I mean, what
about GIFs from movies? Those are
huge. Like the Indiana Jones one.
(waving hands at Pat)
Already taken care of. Josh, do
the Indiana Jones...
Josh puts on a fedora and begins doing the cereal loop once
again. He continues doing this as PAt and Sam Talk.
I call that "Indiana Jones and the
Temple of Kix." That's K-I-X, as
in the breakfast cereal.
I'm not trying to be negative.
But, think about it, GIFs are
supposed to go on endlessly. You'd
have to film Josh doing it, for, I
SMASH CUT TO:
LEGEND: 24 HOURS
A disheveled Pat snorts himself awake, he looks over to
WIDE SHOT reveals Josh is still in the fedora eating cereal.
Pat, surprised, looks at Sam.
REVERSE reveals Sam, leaning forward, wide awake, smiling
and staring right at Pat. It's almost creepy. He moves his
eyebrows and gives a cheese "How 'bout that!" noise.
(beat; half asleep)
Okay, welcome aboard.
Awesome dude! Awesome dude!
(a burst of sudden anger)