There are no bad ideas, just weird ones.
By CH Writing Staff
INT. MEETING ROOM - DAY
DAN, PATRICK, EMILY, JENNY, MURPH, and OWEN sit around.
All right, we need to come up with
a big idea to kick off the summer.
We've been here for three hours and
all I have written down is the
phrase "Two Scoops?" and a
hastily-drawn picture of what
appears to be an owl farting, and I
don't remember what either means.
All right, I'm just spitballing
here... but, what if instead of
Batman and Catwoman, it was like,
Catman and Batwoman. I dunno.
No, that's a thing- again, just
spitballing here, but he could have
a catchphrase after he nabs a bad
guy, like, "That's How Catman Do!"
Okay, I'm just eyeballing here,
(pouring rum into a drink in a
I THINK this is the amount of rum
that goes in a Dark 'n' Stormy.
Guys, I'm just highballing here,
(holding up THAT COCKTAIL, in
a drunk 1920s high society
My stars, Mr. Blackwell, I haven't
had a roll in the hay like that
since my childhood pony Abigail had
a bout of apoplexy!
I'm just lowballing here, but-
(as if making a shrewd deal)
-my final offer is fifteen dollars
for that house!
I'm just sleazeballing here, but
Jenny, how 'bout I stick two bone
dry fingies in yo' stank-hole and
call you my buttpuppet?
Let me just keep sleazeballing here
in response to that, and say-
(retarded voice, flicking
tongue, tossin' up SHOCKERS)
Alright, I'm just cheeseballing
-that was the sweetest thing anyone
has ever said to me.
I'm just hardballing here, but-
(dead serious, to Dan)
-if you don't come up with an idea
soon, your affair with that window
washer's gonna be PLASTERED ACROSS
THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NY POST.
I'm just Powerballing here, but-
(drawing a NUMBERED BALL FROM
A TRANSPARENT BOWL)
the next ball up... IS TWELVE!
Guys, I'm just freeballing here,
(pulls boxers out of his
pants, slams on them on the
table, leans back relaxed)
AHH-ahh, yeah, that's nice.
(JERKING OFF DAN UNDER THE
Hey, I'm just blueballing here,
Jenny WITHDRAWS HER HANDS and CROSSES THEM OVER HER CHEST.
Nooooo! Don't stooooop!
I'm just hairballing here, but-
(as if coughing up a hairball)
I'm just eightballing here, but-
Owen SNORTS A LINE OF COKE.
I'm just skeeballing here, but-
Jenny SPEED-ROLLS a SKEEBALL across the table. Somebody
frantically DUCKS to avoid it.
I'm just meatballing here, but-
Patrick SLAPS A SAUCE-COVERED MEATBALL DOWN ON THE TABLE.
I'm just Cinderella's Ball-ing
(looking at her WATCH)
Emily TURNS INTO A PUMPKIN.
I'm just snowballing here, but-
(starting MEASURED and growing
-sometimes it feels like we start
with some normal, harmless
brainstorm, and it just gets
bigger, and bigger, and crazier,
and out of control, and it's just
like, I don't even know what's
happening anymore because
everything is so FUCKING CRAZY and
I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT CATMAN
AND BATWOMAN and I thought "CATMAN
DO" was a PRETTY GOOD JOKE but
NOBODY CARES 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL A
BUNCH OF DAMN WILD ANIMALS! YOU'RE
Long, awkward beat.
Oooh! Guys, the farting owl was a
biting allegory for Romney's failed