Kevin demonstrates the most deadly, least practical art known to man.
By CH Writing Staff
INT. OFFICE (NIGHT) CALDWELL and KEVIN are searching for something. Caldwell pulls a clock out of a filing cabinet. It reads 2am. CALDWELL Found it! Another successful game of Find the Clock. KEVIN Oh no, it's 2am! I gotta get home. CALDWELL Wanna split a cab? KEVIN Nah. I'm gonna walk. CALDWELL Aren't you worried about getting mugged? KEVIN Nope. Because I know the ancient self defense art of Fight Walking. EXT. SIDEWALK (STILL NIGHT) Montage! Real dumb fight walking song plays. Kevin is fight walking down the sidewalk, flailing his arms and legs wildly as he goes. We cut quickly between Kevin walking across a series of shots. SONG Fight walking, it's the only walk that's a fight. Fight walking, Gonna punch and kick all night. Fight walking, Flying high on the kicks of my feet. Believe in myself and I never stop punching. Yeah! Fight walking! Kevin turns a corner. THREE THUGS jump out. One of them is wearing a shirt that says "Rapist". THUG 1 Not so fast. THUG 2 Gimme your wallet. RAPIST THUG I'm gonna rape you. KEVIN Not todayyyyyy! Song kicks in extra hard. Thugs attack one by one, but are thwarted by random punches and kicks. SONG Fight walking, gonna walk and fight the crime away. Fight walking, with a gallant stroll to make thugs pay. Fight walking, I'm getting in shape and rearranging your face. Cardiovascular self defense. Hoo-hoo! Fight walking yeah! Close up on PAT, across the street, he has his hands on his head. PAT Woooowwwwww. Zoom out to reveal Pat is on his knees. a THUG shoots him execution style. Kevin gets to his apartment door. Interior shot of door. Freeze frame on Kevin kicking it open, arms and legs flailing wildly. "Fight walking!" graphic overlays video. SONG Fight walking! Unfreeze. KEVIN Shit. I forgot to turn off my computer. Ext. Sidewalk. Kevin fight walks down a street. SONG FIGHT WALKING! End.