Kevin demonstrates the most deadly, least practical art known to man.
By CH Writing Staff
INT. OFFICE (NIGHT)
CALDWELL and KEVIN are searching for something. Caldwell
pulls a clock out of a filing cabinet. It reads 2am.
Found it! Another successful game
of Find the Clock.
Oh no, it's 2am! I gotta get home.
Wanna split a cab?
Nah. I'm gonna walk.
Aren't you worried about getting
Nope. Because I know the ancient
self defense art of Fight Walking.
EXT. SIDEWALK (STILL NIGHT)
Montage! Real dumb fight walking song plays. Kevin is fight
walking down the sidewalk, flailing his arms and legs wildly
as he goes. We cut quickly between Kevin walking across a
series of shots.
Fight walking, it's the only walk
that's a fight. Fight walking,
Gonna punch and kick all night.
Fight walking, Flying high on the
kicks of my feet. Believe in myself
and I never stop punching. Yeah!
Kevin turns a corner. THREE THUGS jump out. One of them is
wearing a shirt that says "Rapist".
Not so fast.
Gimme your wallet.
I'm gonna rape you.
Song kicks in extra hard. Thugs attack one by one, but are
thwarted by random punches and kicks.
Fight walking, gonna walk and fight
the crime away. Fight walking, with
a gallant stroll to make thugs pay.
Fight walking, I'm getting in shape
and rearranging your face.
Cardiovascular self defense.
Hoo-hoo! Fight walking yeah!
Close up on PAT, across the street, he has his hands on his
Zoom out to reveal Pat is on his knees. a THUG shoots him
Kevin gets to his apartment door. Interior shot of door.
Freeze frame on Kevin kicking it open, arms and legs
flailing wildly. "Fight walking!" graphic overlays video.
Shit. I forgot to turn off my
Ext. Sidewalk. Kevin fight walks down a street.