Hardly Working: Fight Walking

By

CH Writing Staff

          INT. OFFICE (NIGHT)

          CALDWELL and KEVIN are searching for something. Caldwell
          pulls a clock out of a filing cabinet. It reads 2am.

                              CALDWELL
                    Found it! Another successful game
                    of Find the Clock.

                              KEVIN
                    Oh no, it's 2am! I gotta get home.

                              CALDWELL
                    Wanna split a cab?

                              KEVIN
                    Nah. I'm gonna walk.

                              CALDWELL
                    Aren't you worried about getting
                    mugged?

                              KEVIN
                    Nope. Because I know the ancient
                    self defense art of Fight Walking.

          EXT. SIDEWALK (STILL NIGHT)

          Montage! Real dumb fight walking song plays. Kevin is fight
          walking down the sidewalk, flailing his arms and legs wildly
          as he goes. We cut quickly between Kevin walking across a
          series of shots.

                              SONG
                    Fight walking, it's the only walk
                    that's a fight. Fight walking,
                    Gonna punch and kick all night.
                    Fight walking, Flying high on the
                    kicks of my feet. Believe in myself
                    and I never stop punching. Yeah!
                    Fight walking!

          Kevin turns a corner. THREE THUGS jump out. One of them is
          wearing a shirt that says "Rapist".

                              THUG 1
                    Not so fast.

                              THUG 2
                    Gimme your wallet.

                              RAPIST THUG
                    I'm gonna rape you.

                              KEVIN
                    Not todayyyyyy!

          Song kicks in extra hard. Thugs attack one by one, but are
          thwarted by random punches and kicks.

                              SONG
                    Fight walking, gonna walk and fight
                    the crime away. Fight walking, with
                    a gallant stroll to make thugs pay.
                    Fight walking, I'm getting in shape
                    and rearranging your face.
                    Cardiovascular self defense.
                    Hoo-hoo! Fight walking yeah!

          Close up on PAT, across the street, he has his hands on his
          head.

                              PAT
                    Woooowwwwww.

          Zoom out to reveal Pat is on his knees. a THUG shoots him
          execution style.

          Kevin gets to his apartment door. Interior shot of door.
          Freeze frame on Kevin kicking it open, arms and legs
          flailing wildly. "Fight walking!" graphic overlays video.

                              SONG
                    Fight walking!

          Unfreeze.

                              KEVIN
                    Shit. I forgot to turn off my
                    computer.

          Ext. Sidewalk. Kevin fight walks down a street.

                              SONG
                    FIGHT WALKING!

          End.