The Fall of Pinterest

By

Emily Axford & Streeter Seidell

          EXT. A WALLED FORTRESS - ESTABLISHING SHOT

          The Fortress of Pinterest, a large pinkish/red fortress.  

          INT. PINTEREST FORTRESS

          The women of Pinterest, KATHLEEN, CATHERINE, and KATIE are
          gathered with great urgency .  The sound of armies of
          intruders chanting at their gate can be heard.

                              KATHLEEN
                    Women of Pinterest.  The men of the
                    internet threaten our fortress.

                              KATIE
                    Which legion?  The trolls?  The
                    memers?  The Facebook bros?

                              CATHERINE
                         (looking out a window,
                         fearfully)
                    ...All of them.  United.  They
                    gather on the plain.

                              KATHLEEN
                    My god...

          As she speaks, we see the massive army gathered outside in a
          wide empty field that surround the walled fortress. The
          TROLLS carry signs like "fag" and "u suck." The MEMERS are 
	  riding Nyan cats with an oversized "POPSICLE KID" being held 
	  by chains. The FACEBOOK BROS are humans, tangled up each with 
	  one arm around another's shoulder and a beer in the other one, 
	  playing beer pong, etc.

                              KATHLEEN
                    They seek to invade us, the way
                    they did YouTube, Tumblr, and so
                    many others.

                              KATIE
                    We must protect our homepage!  Only
                    here can one post pictures of
                    wedding gowns and green smoothies
                    in peace!

                              ALL
                    IT IS SO!

                              MESSENGER (OC)
                    YO!  I am but an envoy!

          The women look out the window at a Messenger, SCUMBAG STEVE,
          on a Nyan cat, standing at the Gate.

                              KATHLEEN
                    What is it you seek?

                              MESSENGER 
                    Yo, we seek entry to your
                    forbidden temple!

                              KATHLEEN
                    And why is that?  So you have yet
                    another home for your negativity
                    and derision?

                              MESSENGER
                    Nah nah.  Yo, we desire no such
                    thing.  We merely seek to lurk!

          The women look to Kathleen.

                            KATHLEEN
                         (sinister)
                    Open the gates.

          CUT TO:

          EXT. WALLED FORTRESS

          ALPHA TROLL, a Troll riding a Nyan cat, speaks to a crowd of
          TROLLS, MEMERS, and BROS all holding banners with memes,
          comments and GIFs on them.

                              ALPHA TROLL
                    There may come a day when the lulz
                    of men fail, and women can post
                    pictures of themselves online
                    without someone asking to see their
                    tits, BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY, MY
                    TROLLS!

                              MEMER
                         (pointing)
                    My liege...

          The Messenger rides out through the gate. He is on the Nyan
          cat. He's now wearing a wedding dress and his hair has been
          fashionably braided. He slumps over and falls off, dead.
          Everyone is aghast. A bro hunches down to examine the body.

                              BRO
                         (shocked)
                    They gave him a fishtail braid.

          A moment of hushed horror. A battle cry is heard. REVEAL a
          memer holding a vuvuzela. He holds the note, then takes his
          lips away, amused.

                              VUVUZELA MEMER
                    Remember these things?

          Other people mutter "lol" and "down vote"

                              VUVUZELA MEMER
                         (suddenly serious)
                    For honor!!!

          The battle begins. A bunch of trolls unleash flaming CURSOR
          ARROWS at the fortress. The Bros catapult giant ping pong
          balls. A horde of LOL Rage Faces charge the wall, as some
          are cut down by arrows the rest change to FUUUUUU Rage
          Faces. One FUUUU rage face stops charging, feels his chest
          and sees blood. He looks down to reveal an arrow sticking
          out of his chest. His face changes to an OMG/Terror Rage
          Face, as he collapses.

          CUT TO:

          INT. PINTEREST FORTRESS

          Flaming arrows hit the walls. The women panic.

                              KATHLEEN
                         (to the Women of Pinterest)
                    They're flaming our walls!  Quick,
                    Legion of Etsy, CRAFT!

          CUT TO:

          A bunch of girls on the castle's rampart push a giant
          glue gun over the edge so hot glue spills all over the
          invading army. The army retaliates by holding up thumbs
          downs and shouting "fag" and "nice tits" (from the Bros).

          CUT TO:

          A group of Men push a GIANT BACON-BATTERING RAM to the gate.

                              MAN
                         (giving orders)
                    BA-CON!

          BOOM. The bacon ram SLAMS against the gate.

          Kathleen and the women of Pinterest lean out the window.

                              KATHLEEN
                    KALE!

          A Row of women step to the rampart and rain Kale down on the
          men operating the ram. The men scream in horror as the
          vegetables hit them.

                              MAN
                    IT'S A SUPERFOOD!  RETREAT!

          Catherine is distracted by something in the distance.

                              CATHERINE
                    The Bronies ride from West!

          CUT TO:

          On the horizon, BRONIES, an elite group of cavalry, riding
          My Little Ponies, rides in, shaking the earth with their
          fearsome gait.

          CUT TO:

                              KATHLEEN
                    Sisters of Modcloth!  the Ninja
                    Cats!

          CUT TO:

          A bunch of Ninja Cats are crawling the wall. The Modcloth
          women in the ramparts use sewing thread to distract them.
          They stop climbing the wall and attack the string, falling
          to their death.

          CUT TO:

          The gate of the fortress opens to reveal WHITE KNIGHTS.

                              ALPHA TROLL
                         (looking up, snarled)
                    White Knights.

          He charges after the White Knights. Chaos ensues. Memes are
          fighting, STAR WARS CHARACTERS use their light sabers,
          topless leaked celeb shots blurred out scale the walls, GIFS
          repeatedly hit the same place in a wall, compromising its
          structural integrity. A COLLEGE FRESHMAN meme gets killed.
          It makes a Wilhelm Scream. My Little Ponies buck and Bronies
          fall.

          ETSY GIRL 1 leaves the gates and enters the battlefield.

                              ESTY GIRL 2
                         (calling from the ramparts,
                         very concerned)
                    Where are you going?

          Etsy Girl 1 turns around and holds a finger to her lips, as
          if to say "Shhh." She looks serene, about to commit an act
          of self-sacrifice. She poses, then holds up a camera to take
          a picture of herself. The Bro sees and is about to jump in
          to photobomb it.

                              ALPHA TROLL
                    Don't do it!  It's a photobomb!

          It’s too late. He already has.

                              BRO
                         (in photobomb position)
                    Wait, what?

          The camera flash goes off, creating a huge explosion. CU on
          Etsy Girl 1's serene face while everything explodes in slow
          motion around her, her hair flying angelically. She is dying
          for what she believes in. Ethereal war music plays. The
          music continues as we see Memes slow motion reacting to the
          explosion, covering their faces, etc. Smoke fills the air
          then dissipates to REVEAL:

          A blue sky. It is the next day. The wall is nearly
          destroyed. Pictures of homemade earrings and converse
          sneakers have been turned into hazcheeseburger memes. "fag",
          "gay", and "derp" are graffitied on the wall. Homemade
          Aprons are torn and hanging. Corpses lie at the wall.
          Nevertheless, it stands. A FOREVER ALONE staggers, holding
          his severed arm and collapses.

          INT. INSIDE THE CASTLE WALLS

          The Women of Pinterest, Kathleen, Catherine, and Katie
          survey the damage with wounded but hopeful spirits.

                              KATHLEEN
                    Our walls have held.  Pinterest
                    lives to see the morning.

                              KATIE
                    Their armies have retreated,
                    but...look!

          Katie is pointing at something large just outside the gate.

          CUT TO:

          The women stand in front of a giant wedding cake.

                              KATIE
                    They offer truce!

                              CATHERINE
                    Bring this symbol of our victory to
                    the homepage at once!

          Women began pushing the giant cake towards the gate.

                              KATHLEEN
                    I had one just as this at my own
                    wedding!

          As she says this, we slowly zoom in on the Giant Wooden
          Wedding cake to reveal a legion of TROLL FACE GUYS hidden
          inside.

          END.