Honest New York Times Ad

By

Adam Conover & Kevin Corrigan

          INT. SLICK WEB SITE PRODUCT SHOTS - NIGHT

          Sleek, high-tech web site graphics slide across the screen.

                              NARRATOR
                    For centuries, the New York Times
                    has produced the world's finest
                    journalism.  But now we've joined
                    the twenty-first century. 
                    Subscribe today, and for six
                    dollars a week not only will you
                    get up to the minute news, video,
                    and multimedia on our website, but
                    we'll also deliver a pile of old
                    newspapers to your door every
                    morning.

          INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS - DAY/NIGHT

          From here on the sketch progresses with each person
          addressing camera in a close up, followed by them acting out
          what they described.

          CARL is a fresh-faced homeowner.

                              CARL
                    There's nothing like having a real
                    newspaper delivered in the morning.

          Reveal that his floor is covered with newspapers.

                              CARL
                    Nothing protects the floor better
                    when I'm painting.

          KAREN is an elementary school teacher.

                              KAREN
                    The Arts Section helps inspire my
                    students to create.

          She rips the section into strips and dips it in papier
          mache.

          MARK is a high-end chef in a tall chef's hat.

                              MARK
                    The Dining and Wine section helped
                    me put my restaurant on the map.

          He puts the newspaper in a basket and dumps a fry-basket
          full of greasy fish and chips onto it.

          ADAM is a go-getter business man.

                              ADAM
                    I make sure to get the business
                    section every day.

          He exits the subway and raises the newspaper over his head
          like an umbrella. It's raining.

                              ADAM
                    You never know when it's going to
                    rain!

          Adam walks away and focus shifts to KEVIN, a homeless man
          lying on a bench behind him.

                              KEVIN
                    The Real Estate section makes a
                    great blanket.

          He snuggles up under the section.

          MELISSA, a hiker, walks through a forest.

                              MELISSA
                    If you love the great outdoors, you
                    gotta have the travel section.

          She sprays lighter fluid on a fire pit full of newspapers
          and tosses a match in. They ignite in a fiery blaze.

          MIKE is a writer-type.

                              MIKE
                    And I like the Book Review.  I find
                    it helps me with my own writing.

          Reveal that Mike is composing a ransom note by cutting
          letters out of the paper. "If you ever want to see your son
          again please bring $10,00" Mike is adding zeros. Behind him
          is a teenager bound in duct tape.

          BETSY, a little girl, stuffs shredded newspaper into the
          bottom of a rabbit cage.

                              BETSY
                         (adorably shy)
                    Mom says this is garbage so it's
                    okay for Bosco to go to the
                    bathroom on.

          HARRY, a crazy, wild-haired conspiracy guy stands in a room
          covered in newspapers, the walls, windows, everything. He
          frantically scribbles on one. They're covered in weird
          scrawls.

                              HARRY
                    YOU NEED IT TO CRACK THE CODE! 
                    CHEMTRAILS ARE-

          Cut to: CHARLES, an ordinary guy in his 30s, does the
          crossword puzzle.

                              CHARLES
                    I like the crossword puzzle.

          He looks at the pile of leftover newspaper next to him.

                              CHARLES
                    And recycling.

          He shoves the pile into a recycle bin.

          TITLE CARD: NYT.COM

                              NARRATOR
                    The New York Times.  Here, you throw it 
		    away.