From CH Staff on
Dan explores the "You Only Live Once" phenomenon and its variations.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT. WHITE VOID - ETERNAL NOTHINGNESS NOTE: As a general rule, when Dan says a nonsense YOLO word, it appears as L3 TEXT. When he explains the word's meaning, the letters being explained change color in real-time. DAN Hey, I'm Dan Gurewitch from inside the Internet. Don't know if you've heard, but there's a pretty hip new slang word going around. It's "YOLO," and it stands for "You Only Live Once," as in: CUTAWAY: DAN SITS AT A BAR DAN Sure, I'll do another shot. YOLO! Dan does a shot and immediately WINCES/COUGHS/DRIBBLES. WHITE VOID: DAN Well, I did some research, and YOLO is just the tip of the iceberg. People are also saying "YOLOLO," for, "You only LOL once." CUTAWAY: DAN SITS WITH A FRIEND FRIEND HA! DAN YOLOLO! WHITE VOID: DAN Or, if you don't mean that in the gay way: CUTAWAY: DAN SITS WITH THE SAME FRIEND FRIEND HA! DAN YOLOLO NOHOMO! WHITE VOID: DAN Another popular one is "YOWO SOSOPOLOS," short for "You only wear orange so-so polos." CUTAWAY: DAN STANDS WITH GUY IN ORANGE POLO SHIRT DAN You'll never win the fashion competition. YOWO SOSOSPOLOS. WHITE VOID: DAN And if you mean that in a gay way: CUTAWAY: DAN STANDS WITH SAME GUY DAN YOWO SOSOPOLOS SOHOMO. WHITE VOID: DAN Guys, these are 100% real, you literally cannot make this stuff up. "YOYOKO ONOSOCO" means "You're only Yoko Ono, so chill out." CUTAWAY: DAN COMFORTS A SAD-LOOKING YOKO ONO DAN You don't have to create world peace by yourself. YOYOKO ONOSOCO. L3 TITLE: (Must Only Be Spoken To Yoko Ono.) WHITE VOID: DAN There's even one for when you're hanging out with Santa Claus and you need to say, "You Only Ho-Ho-Ho But Once, So Drink Our Cocoa." CUTAWAY: DAN SPEAKS TO SANTA CLAUS DAN YOHOHOHO BOSODOCOCOA! WHITE VOID: DAN I said that this morning. There's also "YOLOMOFO HELLOMOTO," which means "You Only Live Once, Motherfucker" and can only be spoken by Samuel L. Jackson in a Motorola commercial. CUTAWAY: SAMUEL L. JACKSON HOLDS UP A CELL PHONE, PISSED SAMUEL L. JACKSON YOLOMOFO HELLOMOTO! WHITE VOID: DAN Now we're into the advanced ones. Remember, people actually say these, that's what's so cray-cray. CUTAWAY: DAN WITH A ROOMMATE WHO IS EATING FROZEN YOGURT DAN YOLO FROYO OTHO POLLODODO! FREEZE as Dan explains in V.O.: DAN (V.O.) That means "You're only living on frozen yogurt! On the other hand, chicken is stupid." CUTAWAY: DAN ON THE STREET DAN YOGO SLOMO HOBO BLOWJO OSOGOTOTO! FREEZE. WIDEN TO REVEAL HOMELESS GUY KNEELING BEFORE DAN: DAN (V.O.) You only get offered slow-moving homeless blow jobs once, so go to town! CUTAWAY: DAN IN A ROOM OF MUSIC EQUIPMENT, TWO PALMS UP DAN YOCOCO ROCOCO BONO'S OBOES OBOZO BONOBOS! FREEZE. WIDEN TO REVEAL DAN IS IN A ROOM WITH OBOES ON HIS LEFT AND BONOBO MONKEYS ON HIS RIGHT: DAN (V.O.) You can only choose one: late Baroque period oboes from Bono's personal collection, or crazy monkeys. WHITE VOID: DAN And you've probably heard this last one everywhere. CUTAWAY: DAN STANDS HOLDING A YO-YO. DAN YOYOYO OSOPHOTO YOYOYOSOLO OWO LOCO PO-PO OPOGO-DROGO. FREEZE as Dan explains; INTERCUT PHOTOS OF THINGS MENTIONED: DAN (V.O.) You only yo-yo once, so photograph yourself yo-yoing alone, obviously without crazy police officers or Khal Drogo on a pogo stick. WHITE VOID: DAN Wild, guys. Just wild. (sees something O.S.) Whoa! YOKO ONO HOBO BLOWJO! REVEAL: The homeless man going down on Yoko Ono. END.