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Pat, David and Emily shoot nothing, but net. Check out more HardlyWorking episodes at http://www.collegehumor.com/hardlyworking.
Hardly Working: Hoops
Emily Axford & David Young
INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM PAT is shooting hoops. Something's on his mind. DAVID enters. DAVID Hey, buddy. We missed you at the writer's meeting this morning. PAT (distracted, a bit forlorn) Oh. (looks at watch) Guess I lost track of time. Pat shoots the basketball. INSERT of the ball going through the hoop with a clean swish. The ball bounces back and David catches it. He bounce passes to Pat. DAVID Something on your mind? Pat sighs. Shoots again. INSERT: Flawless swish. PAT If I'm being honest, yeah. Lately, I've been feeling like I'll never live up to my Dad's expectations. Pat shoots with poor form (limp arms). INSERT: swish. PAT (frustrated) I mean the guy's the freakin' Chief Lieutenant Commander of the U.S.S. Liberty! Pat shoots with even worse form. INSERT: swish. PAT How can I compete with that? Pat shoots with even worse form. INSERT: swish. PAT I'm an artist, not a fighter. Pat positions himself to shoot again, but David puts his hand on the ball to stop him. DAVID Hey. Give yourself a little credit. If you were my son, I'd be real proud of you. David takes the ball and shoots with terrible form. PAT You really mean that? DAVID Yeah, I do. They share a knowing smile for a beat. INSERT: swish. PAT What's your dad like? Pat catches the rebound and passes it to David. DAVID He's totally cool. David passes the ball back to Pat. INSERT: swish. DAVID Nah I'm just kidding. We haven't spoken in years. David shoots with shitty shitty form. INSERT: swish. DAVID The guy walked out on my mom. Guess he wanted a daughter. David shoots in such a retarded way. INSERT: the ball balances on the rim. Will it or won't it go in? DAVID I started wearing dresses hoping it'd bring him back. INSERT: swish. DAVID It didn't. INSERT: swish. DAVID But it upset my mom enough that she walked out, too. PAT Wow, that's a real- Pat shoots so stupidly. PAT -lemon in your- INSERT: swish. PAT -apple orchard. DAVID Hmm, never thought about it that way. But you know, if there's one thing I've learned in life... David tries to make the basketball spin on his hand a couple times. It doesn't work. INSERT: close up of the ball impeccably spinning on a finger. DAVID (obvious VO in VO booth) You just gotta keep on spinning. INSERT: really quick swish. Pat is dribbling an obviously flat ball that is making the resonant sounds of a healthy air-filled ball. PAT (while bouncing) So, guess I gotta be proud of who I am, cause that's what matters most. Pat shoots a completely flat ball. INSERT: swish of a completely flat ball. Emily enters. EMILY Hey guys. Couldn't help over-eavesdropping. The following is rapid-fire cuts. All of Pat and David's lines are dry and monotone. EMILY I think everyone- Emily shoots. INSERT: swish. Cut to: DAVID Nice shot. EMILY -has problems- Emily shoots. INSERT: swish. Cut to: PAT Good one. EMILY -with their parents- Emily shoots. INSERT: swish. Cut to: DAVID Mazel Tov. EMILY -but its how we overcome- Emily shoots. INSERT: swish. Cut to: PAT Perfect form. EMILY -it that makes us- Emily shoots. INSERT: A BIG BLACK MAN DUNKIN'. EMILY (landing, post-dunk) -who we are. And who you are is an amazing person. PAT Nice dunk, Emily! BIG BLACK MAN (with Emily's voice dubbed over) Thanks! END.
|Basketball Player||Otoja Abit|
|President of Original Content||Sam Reich|
|Vice President of Production / Executive Producer||Spencer Griffin|
|Director of Production||Sam Sparks|
|Director of Post Production||Michael Schaubach|
|Assistant Production Manager||Jeremy Reitz|
|Post Production Producer||Lacy Wittman|
|Production Design||Andy Myers|
|Sound Mixer||Kurt Seery|
|Camera Operator||James Herron|
|1st Assistant Camera||Lisa Hall|
|Assistant Editor||Phil Fox|
|Post Production Coordinator||Amanda Madden|
|Production Accountant||Christine Rodriguez|
|Assistant Production Accountant||Erin Marshall|
|Production Assistant||Blake Jones|