By Kevin Corrigan, Brian Murphy & Caldwell Tanner
INT. OPERATING ROOM DR. CARNIVOX is an eye-patch wearing raptor with a beautiful head of hair. NURSE MARIA, the same model as Emilia but brunette, is frantic. They are both wearing doctor uniforms. DR. CARNIVOX I'm not who you think I am, Maria. I'm my brother. He takes his eye patch off. Maria gasps. They kiss. INT. CRAIG'S LIVING ROOM Craig, wearing slippers on his rear feet and a robe, sits on the couch watching TV. He is eating a bowl of Fibersaurus Cereal and drinking a mug of coffee. CRAIG Don't listen to him Maria, he'll only break your heart. His phone rings. Craig groans, then answers. Cut to: TODD in the office. TODD Hey, Craig. Heard you were sick. Do you have a 24 hour stomach bug? There's one going around. Back to Craig. CRAIG Can't talk. Faked sick to see Dinosaur Hospital finale. Getting steamy. Gotta go. Craig hangs up. Cut back to TV. INT. OPERATING ROOM Maria holds a gun to Dr. Carnivox. NURSE MARIA I should've pushed you into that volcano instead of your brother. DR. CARNIVOX Who says you didn't? Dr. Carnivox puts the eyepatch on. She gasps. They kiss. INT. CRAIG'S LIVING ROOM Craig does a spit take with a mouth full of cereal. CRAIG Whaaaaat! The phone rings. Craig grunts as he answers. Cut to: Sheila in the office. SHEILA Craig. I'm so worried about you. Do you have a temperature? Are you staying properly hydrated? Back to Craig, trying to concentrate. SHEILA (O.C.) Flat soda can calm an upset stomach. Eat soup. Keep your legs elevated. We'll get through this, Craig. Craig hangs up on her. He's on the edge of his seat, mouth agape. We hear ad-libbed dialogue from the TV. The phone rings. Craig looks at it, then back to the TV, and back to the phone. Caller ID reads "Boss". He huffs and answers it. Cut to: TERRY in the office. TERRY Hi, Craig. How you feelin'? Cut to: OTS shot of Craig. We see the action on the TV, but the sound is drowned out by Craig and Terry's conversation. Two identical raptors wearing eyepatches swordfight. Craig is trying very hard to concentrate on the show. He coughs. CRAIG Not good. I should go. Experiencing flu-like symptoms. TERRY (O.C.) Somebody should have gotten a flu shot! You know what they say, prevention is the best medicine. Back to head-on shot of Craig with no TV. CRAIG Good advice. Gotta get rest. Bye. TERRY (O.C.) Wait, real quick. What's the name of that guy who sits next to you? Back to OTS. Dr. Carnivox, wearing two eyepatches and holding Maria's hand, runs from the hospital and dives as the building explodes. CRAIG Todd. TERRY (O.C.) Ohhh Todd of course! (beat) Huh. I had a question about Todd, but now I can't remember. Back to head-on shot of Craig. TERRY (O.C.) What. was. it. about. Sweat pours down Craig's face. TERRY (O.C.) OH YEAH! Do you know Todd's email address? CRAIG Ask Todd! Craig hangs up the phone. He turns back to the TV. The credits are running. Craig looks on in disbelief. Beat. CRAIG NOOOOOOOO! We hear a TV ANNOUNCER. TV ANNOUNCER (O.C.) And next up, the Price is Rawr! CRAIG Now I'll have to figure out how to watch it on the Internet. End.