The Dark Knight's greatest fears aren't so great.
By Front Page Films
EXT. GOTHAM - THE NARROWS - ALLEY FIRE ESCAPE - NIGHT
Batman peers through a window with his PERISCOPE. He hears
footsteps and sees NARROWS BOY gawking at him from a fire
It's you isn't it? Everybody's been
talking about you. The other kids
won't believe me.
Batman throws down his PERISCOPE.
(reading the periscope)
Are you Bruce Wayne?
Man... I am not very good at
ALT: Batman looks at his expensive periscope: “Here, take
this pen I got at the bank.” Kid: I still don’t think they
are going to believe me.
Batman hoists himself up into the window.
INT. DINGY APARTMENT - NIGHT
The neglected slum apartment is dark and shadowy. Batman
looks through a pile of dingy stuffed animals and sees they
hide drugs. He hears a noise and hides quickly.
CRANE and 2 HENCHMEN enter.
Torch the place. No traces.
I gotta take a leak.
Henchman #2 dumps gas over the apartment as Henchman #1
Why does he always do that while
we're in the middle of a crime?
A CRASH from the bathroom. Crane and the Henchman become
worried. Henchman #2 lifts his lighter, revealing Batman. In
a dark blur, batman incapacitates the henchman.
Batman turns to Crane who now wears his SCARECROW mask.
Crane sprays batman with his fear gas.
Batman reels and leans against a wall in fear. Crane pours
gas on Batman.
Oh, having trouble? Have a
Flashes of Batman’s fears, too quick to see what they are.
You look like a guy who takes
himself too seriously.
NO! NO! GIRL SCOUTS! Evil small
girl scouts! Stay away!
You want my opinion?
(flips open a lighter)
You need to lighten...wait, what?
No! I don't want any of your
cookies! Leave me alone!
FEAR VISION - scarecrow is wearing blonde braids and a girl
Are you serious right now? You're
afraid of girls scouts?
Maybe I didn't hit you with enough
of this stuff.
CRANE sprays Batman again.
YES! FEEL THE FEAR!
No sleeves... your shirt... has no
sleeves. Oh god. Make it stop.
FEAR VISION - Scarecrow wears a tanktop.
Sleeveless shirts? Really?
Your torso will be warm, but WHAT
OF YOUR ARMS, SLEEVELESS SHIRT?
WHAT. OF. YOUR. ARMS?
Crane sprays Batman again.
ROOMBAS! SO MANY ROOMBAS! They
clean with their own free will!
FEAR VISION - ROOMBAS
You jump off buildings and fight
crime. You're afraid of roombas?
Too spicy! Way too spicy!
Oh my god, what is it now?
FEAR VISION - A falafel sandwich.
Too much hot sauce on my falafel!
FEAR VISION - Scarecrow plays a ukulele
AHHH! Tiny Hawaiian guitar...it's
Hold on, I gotta check this.
Crane looks to Henchman #2, who is coming back into
consciousness. Crane gasses him.
What do you see?
Maggots...fire...oh God, make it
FEAR VISION - the scarecrow is terrifying, maggots crawl
from his eyes and fire from his mouth.
See that makes sense.
Stay back Christopher McDonald!
FEAR VISION - James Van Der Beek smiles warmly.
Crane looks back and forth from the henchman to Batman. Jump
cuts from insane nightmare vision and Christopher McDonald.
Goose Mackenzie! No! NOOO!
Oh god, are you kidding me?
The henchman passes out from fear. Batman runs back and
forth, flailing his arms.
Oh god...no...NO...Jingling keys!
AHHH! Water from a water
filter...too charcoal filtered! Oh
no...DISCO BALL! The line at the
grocery store...NOT LONG ENOUGH!
No time to read checkout
magazines! OH NO! BATS!
Oh bats! See that makes sense! So
you're using your fear against your
Running water...filling the tub!
DRIP DRIP DROP! BATHS!
FEAR VISION - A RUNNING BATH
...right. So you're Gotham's
INTIMACY! NOOOOO! STAY AWAY!!! Oh
no, a philanthropist! CUTE BANGS!
Crane throws the lighter onto batman, lighting him on fire.
Batman becomes calm.
You're burning a live! Aren't you
Oh this? Nah. Just don't bring
that Roomba back. That was