The Dark Knight Meets The Avengers

By

Ben Joseph & Kevin Corrigan

          EXT. NEW YORK CITY

          A SPACESHIP hovers ominously over NEW YORK CITY when,
          suddenly, it's ROCKED WITH EXPLOSIONS. As it EXPLODES, we
          pan down, and all the Avengers - CAPTAIN AMERICA, HAWKEYE,
          BLACK WIDOW, IRON MAN, THOR and HULK - land heroically in
          the street. BATMAN lands next to them a second later.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    Nice team-up, everybody! Batman, it
                    was great to finally-

          Batman steps in front of Captain America, interrupting him.
          PUSH IN on him as he starts an over-dramatic speech.

                              BATMAN
                    We may have won here and now, but
                    evil will surface again, and when
                    it does, we'll be there waiting.
                    Watching. Reckoning. A silent
                    guardian. A DARK KNIGHT. Rises.

          REVEAL: Everybody's waiting for him to finish.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    Uh, yeah, sure... Hey! We're going
                    to grab a beer. You wanna come?

                              BATMAN
                    Wait, wait, you're all going to
                    just go and... hang out? Together?

                              CAPTAIN
                    Why, what do you do after a battle?

                              BATMAN
                    Mostly, I sit alone in a cave and
                    think about my dead parents.

          AWKWARD SILENCE as the Avengers take this in.

                              HAWKEYE
                    Dude...

                              MAN (O.S.)
                    Hey, look! It's the Avengers!

          Batman shoots a grappling hook, struggles to climb up it.

                              BATMAN
                         (with effort)
                    HURRY! We must be only a rumor, a
                    legend, a whispered word in the
                    night- Are you signing autographs?

          Batman hangs uselessly from the end of the grappling hook as
          we REVEAL the Avengers interacting with a crowd of FANS.
          Iron Man leans toward a HOT BLONDE and flips his mask open.

                              IRON MAN
                    Hi, Tony Stark, how's it going, you
                    18? 

          Batman runs in and slams Iron Man's mask shut.

                              BATMAN
                    What are you doing?! You just gave
                    away your secret identity!!

                              IRON MAN
                    You don't tell people who you are?
                    That sounds really... Lonely.

                              BATMAN
                    I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!
                         (beat, sad)
                    Or, I did. I had to make a choice
                    between her and saving somebody
                    else.

          Captain America puts a hand on Batman's shoulder.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    You know, there's a superpower that
                    could have saved both of them.
                         (whispers in his ear)
                    The power of friendship.

          Batman pulls away.

                              BATMAN
                    UGH! I DON'T NEED FRIENDS! I work
                    alone!

                              BLACK WIDOW
                    Really? Friends make the job a lot
                    easier. And it's always nice to
                    have someone to talk to.

          Captain America points. Thor and Hulk are HUGGING. 

                              THOR
                    Hey, great job saving me from that
                    space whale. I appreciated that.

                              HULK
                    Hulk appreciate your shiny hair.

          Batman rolls his eyes. Suddenly, there are SIRENS and POLICE
          CARS surround the Avengers. Two COPS jump out.

                              COP 1
                         (through megaphone)
                    AVENGERS! FREEZE! YOU'RE ALL IN BIG
                    TROUBLE-

                              BATMAN
                    SEE?! Heroes will always be
                    misunderstood loners. We operate
                    outside the law. We are the night,
                    we are the dark, we are-

          ANGLE ON: The cop, fixing his megaphone.

                              COP 1
                    Heh, sorry, megaphone needed new
                    batteries. I meant to say... YOU'RE
                    ALL IN BIG TROUBLE... IF YOU'RE
                    LATE FOR THE BIG PARTY THE MAYOR IS
                    THROWING IN YOUR HONOR!
                         (beat)
                    THE CREEPY GUY IN THE BATSUIT CAN
                    COME TOO IF HE WANTS.

          Batman face palms. The Avengers run past him.

                              HULK
                    HULK LOVE PARADES!

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    Come on, Bats, it will be fun!

                              BATMAN
                    Fun?! FUN!? Being a superhero isn't
                    supposed to be FUN WITH YOUR
                    FRIENDS! It's an OBLIGATION! It's a
                    SACRED MISSION! It's... It's...
                    STOP PLAYING VOLLEYBALL!

          WIDEN TO REVEAL: The Avengers have set up a net and are
          playing VOLLEYBALL with the cops. Batman GROWLS and exits.

          INT. BATCAVE

          Batman sits in the middle of his cave. WATER drips from the
          ceiling. ALFRED brings him a cup of tea. It's very quiet.

                              BATMAN
                    Alfred? Are you my friend?

                              ALFRED
                    Yes, Master Bruce.

                              BATMAN
                    Are you only saying that because
                    I'm your billionaire boss?

                              ALFRED
                    Yes, Master Bruce.

          Alfred walks off. Batman SIGHS.

          EXT. POOL PARTY

          The Avengers all party in and around a luxurious pool.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    So that bat guy, huh? What a piece
                    of work, huh? 

          Batman rushes in, out of breath.

                              BATMAN
                    Guys! I'm tired of being angry and
                    alone all the time! I want to have
                    fun! I WANT TO BE AN AVENGER!

          The Avengers exchange awkward looks.

                              IRON MAN
                    Oh God, I'm so sorry, but we, like,
                    just filled the last Avenger slot.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    With, uh, Invisible Man! Isn't that
                    right Invisible Man?!

          ANGLE ON: An EMPTY BEACH CHAIR. Awkward beat.

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA (CONT'D)
                    He's totally nodding right now.

                              BATMAN
                    There's no Invisible Man is there?

                              CAPTAIN AMERICA
                    There is not.

          Batman SIGHS pathetically.

          END.