Only one thing can heal Batman's tortured soul: volleyball.
By Ben Joseph & Kevin Corrigan
EXT. NEW YORK CITY
A SPACESHIP hovers ominously over NEW YORK CITY when,
suddenly, it's ROCKED WITH EXPLOSIONS. As it EXPLODES, we
pan down, and all the Avengers - CAPTAIN AMERICA, HAWKEYE,
BLACK WIDOW, IRON MAN, THOR and HULK - land heroically in
the street. BATMAN lands next to them a second later.
Nice team-up, everybody! Batman, it
was great to finally-
Batman steps in front of Captain America, interrupting him.
PUSH IN on him as he starts an over-dramatic speech.
We may have won here and now, but
evil will surface again, and when
it does, we'll be there waiting.
Watching. Reckoning. A silent
guardian. A DARK KNIGHT. Rises.
REVEAL: Everybody's waiting for him to finish.
Uh, yeah, sure... Hey! We're going
to grab a beer. You wanna come?
Wait, wait, you're all going to
just go and... hang out? Together?
Why, what do you do after a battle?
Mostly, I sit alone in a cave and
think about my dead parents.
AWKWARD SILENCE as the Avengers take this in.
Hey, look! It's the Avengers!
Batman shoots a grappling hook, struggles to climb up it.
HURRY! We must be only a rumor, a
legend, a whispered word in the
night- Are you signing autographs?
Batman hangs uselessly from the end of the grappling hook as
we REVEAL the Avengers interacting with a crowd of FANS.
Iron Man leans toward a HOT BLONDE and flips his mask open.
Hi, Tony Stark, how's it going, you
Batman runs in and slams Iron Man's mask shut.
What are you doing?! You just gave
away your secret identity!!
You don't tell people who you are?
That sounds really... Lonely.
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!
Or, I did. I had to make a choice
between her and saving somebody
Captain America puts a hand on Batman's shoulder.
You know, there's a superpower that
could have saved both of them.
(whispers in his ear)
The power of friendship.
Batman pulls away.
UGH! I DON'T NEED FRIENDS! I work
Really? Friends make the job a lot
easier. And it's always nice to
have someone to talk to.
Captain America points. Thor and Hulk are HUGGING.
Hey, great job saving me from that
space whale. I appreciated that.
Hulk appreciate your shiny hair.
Batman rolls his eyes. Suddenly, there are SIRENS and POLICE
CARS surround the Avengers. Two COPS jump out.
AVENGERS! FREEZE! YOU'RE ALL IN BIG
SEE?! Heroes will always be
misunderstood loners. We operate
outside the law. We are the night,
we are the dark, we are-
ANGLE ON: The cop, fixing his megaphone.
Heh, sorry, megaphone needed new
batteries. I meant to say... YOU'RE
ALL IN BIG TROUBLE... IF YOU'RE
LATE FOR THE BIG PARTY THE MAYOR IS
THROWING IN YOUR HONOR!
THE CREEPY GUY IN THE BATSUIT CAN
COME TOO IF HE WANTS.
Batman face palms. The Avengers run past him.
HULK LOVE PARADES!
Come on, Bats, it will be fun!
Fun?! FUN!? Being a superhero isn't
supposed to be FUN WITH YOUR
FRIENDS! It's an OBLIGATION! It's a
SACRED MISSION! It's... It's...
STOP PLAYING VOLLEYBALL!
WIDEN TO REVEAL: The Avengers have set up a net and are
playing VOLLEYBALL with the cops. Batman GROWLS and exits.
Batman sits in the middle of his cave. WATER drips from the
ceiling. ALFRED brings him a cup of tea. It's very quiet.
Alfred? Are you my friend?
Yes, Master Bruce.
Are you only saying that because
I'm your billionaire boss?
Yes, Master Bruce.
Alfred walks off. Batman SIGHS.
EXT. POOL PARTY
The Avengers all party in and around a luxurious pool.
So that bat guy, huh? What a piece
of work, huh?
Batman rushes in, out of breath.
Guys! I'm tired of being angry and
alone all the time! I want to have
fun! I WANT TO BE AN AVENGER!
The Avengers exchange awkward looks.
Oh God, I'm so sorry, but we, like,
just filled the last Avenger slot.
With, uh, Invisible Man! Isn't that
right Invisible Man?!
ANGLE ON: An EMPTY BEACH CHAIR. Awkward beat.
CAPTAIN AMERICA (CONT'D)
He's totally nodding right now.
There's no Invisible Man is there?
There is not.
Batman SIGHS pathetically.