War never changes. Unless you download a patch.
By Adam Conover & Kevin Corrigan
MODERN WARFARE PLAYER SURPRISES HIS FAMILY INT. KITCHEN A mom, MARGARET, cooks dinner, while a daughter, TAYLOR, sits doing her homework at a kitchen table. Margaret's son, an unseen teenager named BRAD, holds the camera. NOTE: All footage is shot by Brad. When necessary, there can be a jump cut between scenelets. BRAD (O.C.) Hey mom. Whattre ya doin'? MARGARET Cooking dinner. TAYLOR I miss daddy. MARGARET We all do. We hear the sounds of movement and a doorknob rattling. TAYLOR Mommy, what's that? The camera whips over to a door nearby opens. The camera finds BRIAN, an out of shape, slightly moist dude with a pale complexion, possibly silhouetted. He's wearing a headset, holding a controller, and wearing what looks like fatigued-patterned sweat pajamas. The camera pans back to Taylor, whose mouth opens in a big scream-cry. TAYLOR DADDY! Margaret drops a dish. MARGARET Oh my god. Oh my god! BRAD Whoa! It's Dad! Taylor gives Brian a huge running hug. A DOG runs up and lick-tackles both of them like one of those dogs in the soldier homecoming videos. BRIAN Surprise! MARGARET You're not due back until January! Through the door behind him, we can see a decked-out GAMER CAVE with Modern Warfare 3 on a huge flatscreen TV. BRIAN Yeah, well, the Internet went out. So I'm back. TAYLOR Daddy, you need a shower. BRIAN Ha ha! Yeah, well, I've been over there a long time pumpkin. MARGARET Over ... there? Brian points at the den. BRIAN Yeah. Over there. On the couch. Margaret smiles. MARGARET Well... come on, dinner's almost ready. Sit down! Brian and TAYLOR sit down. BRIAN Yeah, I could really use a home cooked meal. I've been living on rations for too long. He points to the room. Brad pans and zooms over to a trash pile of empty Big Mac boxes and 2-liter bottles of the soda inside the gamer cave. BRAD Whoa. He pans back over to the table where everyone is now eating. TAYLOR What was it like over there? BRIAN It was awful, sweetie. I saw terrible things. I lost a lot of buddies over there. BRAD Whoa, one of your friends died? BRIAN Yeah, all of them, like fifty times each. But then last week my buddy Todd had his Live account banned. He called his CO a fag. It was a tragedy, he had this insane kill streak going, he almost got the nuke. MARGARET Your father's a hero, honey. Brian flips out. BRIAN (quiet and intense) DON'T SAY THAT. There's nothing glamorous about modern warfare. I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of over there. Once I got a headshot on this n00b, and I dipped my balls right in his face. (quietly) I teabagged him. He was just a boy. Just about your age. (almost a whisper) Said he was from Cleveland. MARGARET (glancing at the camera) Honey, calm down. BRIAN I can't! Look at me! I had the highest KD in the whole clan! The sergeant pinned an achievement on my chest... He slaps his chest. The camera zooms in on a medal in the shape of an XBox achievement pinned to it. BRIAN But what the fuck do I got to show for it? (banging the table with his fist) Where's my parade? There's some commotion from the hallway. Brad whips the camera to find another messy gamer, KEVIN, entering from the hallway. KEVIN Hey, Margie, I got some more Hot Pock -- He stops as he sees Brian. The camera pans back to Brian. BRIAN What's he doing here? Margaret starts sobbing. MARGARET I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I just thought ... I thought you were never coming back. Brian cuts her off. He puts his hand on her shoulder. During this, Brad gets distracted and takes the camera to peek inside the gamer cave, so we hear the following from off-camera. BRIAN Margaret. It's alright. I didn't think I was coming back either. That game's really good. Brad pans back over. TAYLOR Hey Dad ... does this mean I can play now? BRIAN Sorry buddy. I gotta go back. MARGARET You're... going back? But I thought you said that you were done! That we were going to be a family again! BRIAN Sorry honey. My clan needs me. He goes to the door and stands in it. BRIAN We have a hardcore death match at 0600. He jumps over the back of the couch like it's a Humvee and picks up the controller. The game starts up again. The camera pans over to find Margaret crying. Brad pans back to Brian in time to see him say: BRIAN Oh COME ON, a rocket launcher? How fucking cheap are you?