Note: Owen’s beat/rap style is hokey while Murph’s is gangsta as shiiiiiit.

A SWEATY YOUNG MAN sits on his couch.

Young Man: Ugh, this heat wave is unbearable.

He goes to turn the A/C on. OWEN stops him.

VERSE 1:
(Owen:)
Whoa there bud, before
you get your low degree on
Maybe stop and think about
how you're spendin' freon.

AC's seem cool,
but they sap a lot of power
and those ice caps are
getting smaller by the hour.

So if you wanna "chill out"
here's a solid plan-
Just crack that window
or buy a nice box fan.

toss that AC,
cause no offense meant,
but nothing feels cooler
than helping the environment.

MURPH kicks the door in.

(Murph:)
FUCK that, crank this shit
Get the Frigidaire rippin’
screw the polar bears, dude
my nuts got sweat drippin’
 
it’s hot as a mofo
humid as a bitch
Imma bout to blast this shit
til we all get frostbit
 
Install a wall unit
That can go below sixty
We’re fresher in our sweaters
So let’s get this bitch nippy
 
Convenient truth is
A/C is legit
So the polar ice caps
Can fuckin’ suck my dick


CHORUS (over Owen’s beat with high pitched vocals):
Stay smart in the Summer
Do your part in the Summer
We should all play nice
Lower lights in the Summer (Murph: Nah, man!)

Conserve in the Summer
Preserve in the Summer
Don’t need to drink beer
Volunteer in the Summer (Murph: FUCK VOLUNTEERS!)

Owen stops the same man about to get in his car.

VERSE 2:
(Owen:)
Hold on now, bud
show some hesitation
cause you're only three miles
from your destination.

A bicycle's a nice way
to feel the breeze
it's easy on your knees
and the fuel is free!

Stay hydrated with
mother earth's potion
It's H2O!
It'll keep you in motion!

Helmet on, shorts hiked,
you're ready to go
on a summertime adventure
to -OH NO.
 
Murph pulls up in a Hummer.

(Murph:)
Fuck you, it's too hot
Don't bike like a dumbass
Just hop in my Hummer
We can guzzle supreme gas
 
And if we make a stop
When it’s fuckin’ sunny
We’re gonna keep the car cool
leave the engine running
 
We’ll stay hydrated
Drinkin’ 60 oz Red Bulls
And when we’re all finished
Throw em’ right out our windows
 
Littering’s da bomb
Cuz that shit's so easy
it’s someone else’s problem
yo that shit’s so pleasing

CHORUS (same melody, but w/ Murph’s beat and low-pitched vocals):
Get crunk in the Summer
Drive drunk in the Summer
Flick a cigarette butt
In dry leaves in the Summer (Owen: Come on, man!)

Start a fire in the Summer
Burn a tire in the Summer
If you wanna get girls
Kill squirrels in the Summer (Owen: Why?)

Owen swims with the man from before.

VERSE 3:
(Murph’s lines are in italic:)
Summers like this
I hope I'll see ya
takin' a dip
at the local marina

Murph rides in on a jet ski and brutally kills the guy.

Fuckin' jet skis
Gettin' mad speed
A mile to the gallon
breakin' coral reef

No, please stop
you're killing the ocean
can't you have fun
without spreading destruction?

Don't knock it til' you try it
have you ridden a jet ski?
I suppose that I haven't
then get in the bitch seat

Owen gets on the back. The music stops, they rev up and accelerate.

Owen: AWWWWWWW SHIT!

Beat kicks back in.

Oh my god, this is great!
Yo I told you, son!
We're messin' with the ozone
and it's tons of fun.

Jet skis for life, man
fuck all the fishes
who gives a shit about
carbon emissions

Let's paint the ocean
with manatee brains
Straight rocket off their domes
Yo this shit is insane

we're killing the planet
but no need to dread
by the time the world ends
we'll already be dead

They crash and explode.