Sherlock Blues Clues

By

Jenny Jaffe

          INT. BLUE’S CLUES HOUSE - DAY

          BLUE plays happily on the floor with a bouncy ball. STEVE
          enters.

                              STEVE
                    Oh hey there, Blue! Are you playing
                    with your bouncy ball?

          Blue barks happily.

                              STEVE
                    That sounds fun! I was just going
                    to read this book!

          He pulls out a brightly colored book and sits down to read
          it. He doesn't notice as Blue jumps on the ball and it
          deflates. She makes a sad noise.

                              STEVE
                    Uh-oh! Blue looks sad. Let's play
                    Blue's Clues to find out what we
                    can do to make Blue happy!

          Blue jumps forward as though to put the "Blue's Clues" paw
          print on the screen, and instead, writes "GET SHERLOCK".

                              STEVE
                    Huh? Well, you know what happens
                    now! We look for three clues, and--

          The door flies open. SHERLOCK HOLMES enters. He immediately
          takes off his coat and gloves and tosses them aside.

                              SHERLOCK
                    Step aside.

          A title card comes up: It is basically the opening from
          "Sherlock", but made out of construction paper and it says
          "Blue's Clues" instead.

          Sherlock starts scanning the room. Facts about things in the
          room appear as he looks at them: "Mentally unstable", "made
          of paper", "blue dog- possibly diseased".

          His eyes land on the deflated ball. There is a paw print on
          it.

                              OFFSCREEN KIDS
                    A clue!

                              SHERLOCK
                         (Without looking up)
                    Shut up.

          He goes over to the deflated ball, crouches down, and looks
          at it.

          Steve pulls out his notebook and a crayon.

                              STEVE
                         (Singing)
                    We are looking for Blue's Clues, we
                    are looking for--

                              SHERLOCK
                    Incredible, you're a worse singer
                    than you are detective. Deflated
                    ball, nylon-plastic blend,
                    manufactured in China-- no,
                    Indonesia-- it's off-white so it
                    gets dirty easily but this was
                    brand new.

                              STEVE
                    But what can we do to make Blue
                    happy? We've got a ball...

          He looks confused and starts to draw in his notebook.
          Sherlock grabs the crayon and uses it to prod the ball over.

                              SHERLOCK
                    It was popped deliberately but not
                    with much force. Someone wanted
                    this to look like an accident.

                              STEVE (O.S.)
                    Look! Blue's gone into this
                    picture!

          On the wall is a hand-drawn picture of a little girl using a
          foot pump to blow up her bicycle tire. Blue is next to her.

                              STEVE
                    What do we do?

                              SHERLOCK
                    Blue skidoo, we can, too.
                    Obviously.

          They both "skidoo" into the painting.

          INT. PICTURE - DAY

          Up close, there is a blue paw print on the bike pump.

                              OFFSCREEN KIDS
                    A clue!

                              SHERLOCK
                    Of course there's a clue, there's
                    always a bloody clue. Shut them up.

                              OFFSCREEN KIDS
                    Over there!

          Sherlock wheels on the camera.

                              SHERLOCK
                    Don't say another word, you
                    insufferable imbeciles.

          Sounds of the Offscreen Kids CRYING.

          He pulls out his phone. The words "Search: Nearby bike
          shops" appear over his phone.

                              SHERLOCK
                    You own a bike but this isn't a
                    bike friendly neighborhood. You're
                    from out of town. Where?

                              LITTLE GIRL
                    Well I come from a painting--

                              SHERLOCK
                    In Indonesia. You brought the ball
                    for Blue as a gift. You need her to
                    come back with you. But you've been
                    biting your nails, you know she
                    never will. We're done here.

          INT. BLUE'S CLUES HOUSE - DAY

          Sherlock is already standing in the living room when Steve
          comes out of the picture.

                              STEVE
                    We still have to figure out what's
                    wrong with Blue! The clues right
                    now are a popped ball, a bike pump,
                    and--

                              SHERLOCK
                    Your parents died of a heroin
                    overdose when you were a child. You
                    blame yourself, and, to be fair, if
                    I were them I would have needed
                    drugs too.

          Something quietly breaks in Steve. He looks devastated.

          As Sherlock says the following monologue, a black and white
          sequence illustrating what he's saying plays out.

                              SHERLOCK
                    Blue's a failed government
                    experiment to create a genetically
                    superior dog; she was sent to
                    Indonesia in an attempt to hide her
                    but she found her way back. She's
                    trying to cover up her past. But
                    she can't outrun it.

          Back in the living room.

                              MR. SALT (O.S.)
                    Perhaps not. Or perhaps that's just
                    a story I wanted you to believe.
                    Either way it brought you here,
                    didn't it?

          MR. SALT enters. Blue turns around to reveal that she's
          strapped to a bomb like one of Moriarty's victims.

                              OFFSCREEN KIDS
                         (Crying)
                    BLUE!

                              MR. SALT   
                         (Insane)
                    Shut UP!

          Sherlock and Mr. Salt look at each other like they know
          they've reached a stalemate.

          Steve pulls out his notebook.

                              STEVE
                    But what was Blue trying to tell
                    us?

          Sherlock knocks the notebook out of Steve's hand.

          END.