The best buds you ever had no choice but to have.
By Josh Ruben & Ben Joseph
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
YOU lay in bed and stare up at camera.
This is you.
It's YOU! The LOWER THIRD says so!
This is your girlfriend.
REVEAL: Your GIRLFRIEND is next to you. You both smile.
And these are-
TITLE CARD: YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S SIX FRIENDS
TITLE CARD: THE POSSESSIVE ONE
You pose for a picture with your girlfriend.
Nobody loves your girlfriend more
CUT OUT TO REVEAL: MEGAN, smiling like a maniac and hugging
your girlfriend around the waist.
FLASH! CUT TO: The picture that was just taken. Megan CUTS
YOU OUT and puts the rest in a "BFFS!" frame.
INT. YOUR APARTMENT
You're making out on the couch when your girlfriend's PHONE
RINGS. She checks the caller ID.
Yep. You take the phone and put it aside but, when you look
up, Megan is STANDING BEHIND YOUR GIRLFRIEND! GAH! She holds
the "BFF" picture and flashes a "Fatal Attraction" smile.
You didn't answer your phone!
She seems to have issues with
EXT. CLUB - NIGHT
You and your girlfriend meet Megan outside a club.
Except one, that is.
Megan halts you with a "playful" slap to the face.
Sorry! GIRLS NIGHT!
She drags your girlfriend inside, leaving you solo.
Later, at BRUNCH, Megan talks shit in front of you.
Your boyfriend gets you all to
himself! He's not even FUN!
A man can only take so much.
YOU'RE A CRAZY FRIENDSHIP PIRATE!
Off Megan's wide-eyed reaction, you blink. Too much?
TITLE CARD: THE GAY BFF
NICK, trim and well-dressed, grinds sensually with your
girlfriend on the dance floor.
You know he's gay but... come on.
Nick comes over and stares you up and down.
There's a lot of potential here.
INT. CLOTHES STORE
You're shopping with Nick and your GF. Nick forcibly gives
you some clothes. You reluctantly go to try them on.
He acts like he knows everything.
Just because he's gay doesn't mean-
You exit the changing room and catch yourself in the mirror.
-hey, these pants actually look
You and Nick are now wearing the SAME OUTFIT. He drags you
onto the dance floor to dance with him and your girlfriend.
You look so good tonight!
Doesn't he look good?
Yeah, you like this guy.
You dance like you never would around your guy friends.
But not in a gay way.
TITLE CARD: THE ONE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON
INT. YOUR APARTMENT
A PARTY. You sip a beer and stare across the room at your
girlfriend, smiling and talking to some friends.
There's your girl. Your soulmate.
The only woman you'll ever-
Your girlfriend brings over her friend AMANDA. She's
GORGEOUS and she's smiling at you.
Hey! Have you met Amanda?
-uh, I, uh, I mean, uh, more words.
Across the room, your girlfriend and Amanda talk.
Why can't your girlfriend have
CUT TO: Amanda is now a DIRTY BEARDED HOMELESS MAN.
So then she says, YOU'RE being a
HOMELESS GUY makes sexy eyes at you. Huh?
LATER, while you're cleaning up:
Do you have a crush on Amanda?
OK. Think Kennedy. Clinton. That
other, less popular Kennedy.
Suddenly, you're at a PODIUM talking with a Boston accent.
I believe both my girlfriend AND
her friend are equally hot... and
there is nothing wrong with that!
An imaginary crowd cheers. The first notes of "Hail to The-"
Um. She's. Uh. Objectively? Or uh?
She's attractive. She's attractive?
Your girlfriend stares at you.
In a slutty way! Not in a good
slutty way! I love you?
An O.S. door SLAMS. You yell after her:
I wish you were friends with more
TITLE CARD: THE GUY FRIEND
A game of touch football amongst friends.
According to her, they've been
TREVOR, handsome, play tackles your girlfriend. They laugh.
The inside jokes don't help.
They harmonize-sing: "Rhinoceros faaaaarts!", pretend to
jerk each other off, then laugh. You watch, lost.
INT. YOUR APARTMENT
Trevor and your girlfriend watch football while you, dressed
in a suit like John Nash, scribble on their respective
Facebook pages, circling questionable comments between them.
This whole "friendship" thing
drives you crazy. You're feel like
the guy from "A Beautiful Mind".
EXT. STREET - EVENING
The three of you walk together. Your girlfriend holds your
hand and kisses you in front of an unfazed Trevor.
Maybe this is OK. There are
different types of love, right?
Trevor gets ready to leave. Your GF gives him a BIG HUG.
Sure, they're friends, but they'll
never have the raw, physical
attraction that you two-
The hug's still going. Trevor and your girlfriend both SMILE
WARMLY. You appear between them, pushing them apart.
Oookay, that's enough.
TITLE CARD: THE ATTENTION HOG
OLIVIA, cute and a bit much.
She'll do anything for attention.
Your girlfriend and a group of girls, walking on the
sidewalk. Olivia heaves herself into a pile of garbage.
I WONDER IF THERE ARE NEEDLES IN
You think she enjoys break-ups more
than actual relationships.
You and your GF watch as Olivia CRIES in various locations:
Mark broke up with me!
Peter didn't look at me!
Obama won't write back to me!
You and your girlfriend smile, hiding concern.
I'll never be as happy as YOU GUYS!
She has a compulsive need to share
her every thought and emotion.
Olivia returns from the bathroom.
O-M-G, I just took the most
A thought hits you.
It's possible you can use this.
You talk to Olivia in a cafe:
What?! What do you mean you don't
have a Twitter?
You take her phone and start setting it up for her.
Later, you happily kiss your girlfriend in peace. We pan
over to Olivia, back in the garbage pile, on her phone:
GUYS! I got five favorites on my
garbage needles Tweet!
TITLE CARD: YOU
EXT. PARK - SUNSET
Everyone, girls and guys, is hanging out and having fun.
Megan makes a friend with a NEW GIRL. Amanda laughs at
Olivia. Mike play tackles Trevor. They giggle hysterically.
You love your girlfriend. Not just
because she's smart, and funny, and
knows what a beaglepuss is, but
because she's your friend.
You observe, smugly, from a picnic blanket, then look
longingly at your girlfriend who lays next to you.
And like any good friend, you'd do
anything for her. Including putting
up with all her other friends.
After all, she puts up with yours.
CHAZ, your buddy, casually approaches with a warm smile:
Hey, man, can you give me a ride
home? I just shit my pants.