Hardly Working: Bane Mugs

By

Owen Parsons & Josh Ruben

          INT. NOLL HOLE - DAY

          ANGLE ON: EMILY, holding a stack of FILES.

                              EMILY
                    All right guys, we need to comb
                    through these files and figure out
                    who's been embezzling thousands
                    from the company.

          Zoom out to reveal JOSH, MURPH & OWEN sitting around
          surrounded by files and holding coffee mugs. Murph is
          covered in GOLD CHAINS and conspicuous BLING.

                              MURPH/OWEN/JOSH
                    Right.

          They flip papers for a beat. Josh sighs, bored, then,
          intohis coffee cup:

                              JOSH (AS BANE)
                    I'm so bored right now!

          Everyone laughs - "Oh my god, it sounds like Bane!" - and
          immediately uses their coffee cup to imitate him.

                              MURPH (AS BANE)
                    I'm Gotham's reckoning!

                              EMILY (AS BANE)
                    I was born in the dark!

                              OWEN (AS BANE)
                    Why so serious?

                              JOSH
                    That's The Joker.

                              OWEN
                    What? Nooooo.

                              EMILY
                    OKAY! No more joshing around.
                         (lifting mug as BANE)
                    Now is not the time for fear,
                    doctor! Now is the time-
                         (lowering mug, NORMAL)
                    -to get to work.

                              JOSH
                    Yeah, when we're done with the
                    files,
                         (lifting mug as BANE)
                    then, you have my permission to    
                    (lowering mug, NORMAL) do Bane
                    impressions! But until then, nose
                    to the grindstone.

                              EMILY
                         (enough is enough)
                    Seriously, though. I'm in charge,
                    and I say we get back to work.

          Murph rests his hand on Emily's shoulder.

                              MURPH (AS BANE)
                    Do you feel in charge?
                         (lowering mug, NORMAL)
                    Because frankly, I don't remember
                    electing you leader.

                              OWEN
                    I'm with Murph. We should
                         (lifting mug as BANE)
                    tear down this corrupt system!

          Owen spills coffee, burning himself.

                              OWEN (AS BANE)
                    Ah! My friggin shirt! Damn it!

                              JOSH
                    Look, guys we've been in here a
                    while, and we're all testy, and
                         (lifting mug as BANE)
                    the fire is rising, brother!
                         (lowering mug, normal)
                    So let's just calm down, take a
                    deep breath, okay, and let
                         (lifting mug as BANE)
                    the games begin!

          Josh violently knees Murph in the back. He collapses.

                              MURPH
                    My back! It's so broken!

          Murph weakly rolls his spilled mug in front of his face.

                              MURPH (AS BANE)
                    It's extremely painful!

                              EMILY (AS BANE)
                    I was wondering what would break
                    first. Your spirit,(lowering mug,
                    normal) or our friggin'
                    concentration. We need to get this
                    done!

          Sam knocks at the door.

                              JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH (ALL BANE)
                    Identify yourself!

                              SAM
                    It's- what? It's Sam. Is everyone
                    okay? I heard a spine snapping.

                              JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH
                         (synchronized lowering)
                    Yeah, we're fine. All good.

          They all take a sip of coffee; instantly erupt into
          overlapping Bane impressions.

                              SAM
                    O-kay... Did you figure out who was
                    embezzling?

          Everyone lowers their mug sheepishly.

                              JOSH / EMILY / OWEN / MURPH
                    No...

                              SAM
                    Well, no thanks to you, I figured
                    it out on my own. Murph!

                              MURPH
                         (looking guilty)
                    Yeah?

                              SAM
                    Restrain Owen. He posted ten photos
                    of himself forging checks on
                    Instagram.

          Murph pulls Owen's arms behind his back.

                              OWEN
                    You think this gives you power-
                    Emily, would you mind?

          Emily puts Owen's coffee mug in front of his face.

                              OWEN (AS BANE)
                    You think this gives you power over
                    me?

          Murph knocks the mug away from Owen's face.

                              OWEN
                    Ow! Dude!

                              SAM
                    As for the rest of you, you wasted
                    an entire day of work goofing off
                    and doing Bane impressions.

                              EMILY
                    Are you going to fire us?

                              SAM
                    What? No!

          Sam raises a coffee mug to his mouth.

                              SAM (AS BANE)
                    Your punishment must be more
                    severe.

          Sam holds up a detonator.

          Everyone, into their coffee mugs:

                              EVERYONE (AS BANE)
                    NO!!!

                              SAM
                         (lowering mug, normal)
                    Actually, that's probably the worst
                    thing I have the power to do to
                    you.  So yes, you are fired.  Sorry
                    for lying earlier.

          END.