Adam and Jamie question organized religion... the fun way!
By Patrick Cassels & Adam Conover
The Mythbusters logo slams onto the screen.
INT. MYTHBUSTERS LAB
ADAM and JAMIE talk to GRANT, KARI and TORY. Throughout, the
gang all act in that hokey Mythbusters way.
Alright, guys, we've got an
interesting one this week. We've
had a lot of letters about this
myth. People want to know, is there
I think I've heard about this. It's
like, people have believed for
thousands of years there's a
perfect, omnipotent being that
created the universe...
I dunno, this one sounds pretty
dubious to me.
Hold up, Jamie, God is in a lot of
movies and books. All those people
must be onto something.
I think we're all alone in the
Okay, well, today we're going to
put the myth to the test.
For the first step of their
existential escapade, Adam and
Jamie HIT THE BOOKS.
INT. MYTHBUSTERS LAB - LATER
Adam uses tongs to drop a Bible onto the lab table.
Whoa. What is that?
This is the Holy Bible. According
to the myth, everything in this
book is true, and it says that God
Huh. I guess reading is good for
Jamie chuckles at his own (awful) joke. Beat.
If the myth is true, we should be
able to recreate other stuff the
Bible says happened. Let's get to
MONTAGE of Adam and Jamie building some stuff. After, they
return to the lab, stepping in from opposite sides.
Now, the Bible says a man can live
inside a whale for three days, so
to test that I sent our lovable
dummy Buster through a large sea
mammal's digestive system. I'm
really excited to see how he turned
Adam turns over a bucket. Buster the dummy pours out in
wrecked pieces, half-dissolved and COVERED IN SLIME AND
WHALE SHIT. Adam & Jamie examine the remains very closely.
Okay, okay, interesting. So it
looks like Buster was digested by
the stomach acid. And, wow, look at
all that whale shit.
So, it's not looking good for the
Bible. Guess we got more work to
(holding up Bible)
Yup! But just for fun, let's shoot
a bullet through this thing in
slow-motion. SMASH to a bullet
BURSTING through the Bible in
While these two bookworms desecrate
this holy text, Kari, Grant and
Tory are designing something a
little more, ahem, "intelligent."
INT. ELSEWHERE IN THE LAB - LATER
Check it, guys: the myth says that
God created humans through
intelligent design. So Grant,
you're pretty intelligent.
Why thank you, Kari.
Don't get ahead of yourself. We
need you to design your own human,
and we'll see how it compares.
MONTAGE of Grant building a human figure using band saws,
blow torches, and silicone molds, set to cool music.
INT. SAME AREA - LATER
Grant stands next to a creepy artificial PERFECT HUMAN MALE.
Nice job Grant!
So, I designed my own human, and to
be honest there was a lot of room
for improvement, guys. I moved the
testicles inside the body instead
of out in the open, where they're
vulnerable. I also just got rid of
the appendix, which does nothing
but explode. And I made it so pee
doesn't come out of the same hole
you [bleep] with.
CU of the male's dual artificial penises.
Yikes! Those are some pretty big
flaws. Do you guys think an
intelligent designer would have
made those mistakes?
(shaking head "no")
Chalk one up for natural selection!
Gotta say guys, it's looking more
and more like our entire existence
is nothing more than a cosmic
Kari and Tory do a super lame high five.
Just for fun, wanna shoot this guy
at a wall in slow-motion?
SMASH to the dummy smashing against a wall in slow-mo.
From intelligent de-sign to
intelligent de-struction! Next, the
gang gives Tory a heart-stopping
trip across the River Styx.
In a lame animation, Jamie and Adam row a Gothic boat across
a lake of fire.
INT. MYTHBUSTERS LAB - LATER
Tory is strapped into a terrifying death chair. A few yards
away, the gang squats behind a blast shield.
All right, we're rolling out the
big guns. Jamie and I have put
together a device that's gonna
briefly stop Tory's heart, then
start it up again. Hopefully, he'll
be able to tell us if there's an
Afterlife equals God. I like it.
(flipping a switch)
Bon voyage, Tory!
Tory smiles and gives a thumbs up. THREE QUICK SHOTS of Tory
screaming and falling limp. Everyone cheers!
Okay, let's bring him back.
Adam flips the switch again. Nothing happens.
Huh. Looks like a malfunction.
Uh-oh. Turns out Adam's a better
executioner than an engineer.
JUMP CUT to the cast assembled in front of Tory's corpse.
Well, looks like this experiment is
Hold on a second! A benevolent, all
powerful God would never have
allowed Tory to die.
Huh. You're right. Looks like this
myth is busted after all.
A BUSTED title card smashes onto the screen.
So, I guess life is meaningless.
They all stare silently for a second, in contemplation. A
Huh. Well, just for fun, let's blow
up Tory's body in slow motion!
Cut to slow-mo of Tory's body exploding hideously.