From CH Staff on
Robert Pattinson was a total professional on set. With Michael Cassidy and Laura Eichhorn.UnsSubscribe ToFrom Shorts
By Dan Gurewitch
TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PT. II DVD SPECIAL FEATURES SCREEN MENU reads: DELETED SCENES, OUTTAKES, MAKING OF, LIP BITES, LIP SMACKS. A CURSOR selects "OUTTAKES." INT. "TWILIGHT" FILM SET - VARIOUS LOCATIONS NOTE: Quick cuts. Between each, brief BARS & TONE. Unless specifically noted, locations can be anything vaguely Twilight: dark corners, by moonlit windows, next to trees. KRISTEN STEWART and ROBERT PATTINSON (as Bella and Edward) sit on the edge of a bed. Intense melodrama. KRISTEN Edward, I love you. You're all that I want, only you, forever. Robert bursts out laughing, tinged with an attitude. ROBERT I'm sorry! I just can't! Kristen rolls her eyes, exasperated. DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! Robert, try to keep your personal life out of this. ROBERT (gathering himself) You're right. I'm sorry. CUT TO: The bedroom scene again. KRISTEN Edward, I love you. You're all that I want, only you... forever. Long pause. Robert reaches his hand slowly, tenderly towards her face, as if to caress her cheek... then FLICKS HER EAR. KRISTEN OW! DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! CUT TO: KRISTEN So you're saying... I'm a vampire now? ROBERT No, just a bitch. DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! CUT TO: KRISTEN I'm sorry, I keep messing up that line. Can I have a cue card? DIRECTOR (O.S.) Cue card please! ROBERT (super subtle) You sure? You don't think that's, you know, cheating? KRISTEN You're embarrassing yourself. ROBERT (super immature mocking tone) "Yerembarrassingyerself, bluhhh." CUT TO: Robert and Kristen kiss passionately. Suddenly, Kristen screams in pain. KRISTEN Ah! WIDEN TO REVEAL: KRISTEN He's giving me a titty twister! CUT TO: The forest. Robert frantically motions to an O.S. Kristen. ROBERT Bella! RUN! As Kristen runs into frame, Robert sticks out his foot and TRIPS HER. She gets up, angrily. KRISTEN Are you a child? ROBERT (faux innocent) Me, what? Look at this- someone left a wad of gaff tape on the ground. Let's be professional, people. CUT TO: ROBERT Listen, the Volturi want to kill Renesmee, so we have to whore do something! DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! ROBERT Why? DIRECTOR (O.S.) You tried to sneak the word "whore" into your line. We all heard it. CUT TO: A YOUNG VAMPIRE points at Bella, angrily. (No Robert.) VAMPIRE Bella, we will claim your soul! Robert pops out from behind a set object, helpfully. ROBERT No, yeah, she doesn't have one of those. DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! You're not even in this scene! CUT TO: At a GROUP DINNER, Robert raises a glass of wine. ROBERT I propose a toast. To Bella! He SPILLS the wine all over Kristen. KRISTEN REALLY?! ROBERT (leaning into her face, dead serious) WHOOPS. CUT TO: KRISTEN I can't believe I just drank blood. ROBERT How did it taste? Kristen looks at Robert confused: "What?" ROBERT (whispering) I'm improvising, just go with it. (acting) How did it taste? KRISTEN Warm, salty. ROBERT SO PRETTY MUCH LIKE THAT DIRECTOR'S- DIRECTOR (O.S.) CUT! CUT TO: ROBERT (walking towards camera) I can make out with a director too. Bill, c'mere. DIRECTOR (O.S.) Robert, don't do this. ROBERT No, seriously. Come here and suck my face. CUT TO: Robert calls O.S. ROBERT Sorry, what was the line? SCRIPT SUPERVISOR (O.S.) "You're not safe here, Bella." ROBERT Right, what did I say? SCRIPT SUPERVISOR (O.S.) You looked straight into the camera with dead eyes and said "Rupert Sanders, I will lawnmower your balls." ROBERT ...And? I nailed it? CUT TO: Robert turns on a camera, on himself, in a large dark space. He's a disheveled mess, visibly buzzed, has been crying. ROBERT Was it me? Did I do something? Look Kristen, I just- I love you, and I- I'm nothing, do you understand? NOTHING! WITHOUT YOU! (breaking down) I'm so weak. I'm so weak. The sound of a FAR-AWAY DOOR OPENING. DIRECTOR (O.S.) (in the distance) Robert? What are you doing on the sound stage, it's 4 AM! ROBERT (scrambles to turn camera off) Oh, fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck- END.