Obama and Romney tackle the issues, and each other. The second episode in our 321 Fight series.
By Owen Parsons
ANIMATED VIDEO GAME MENU SCREEN
TITLE SCREEN - 3! 2! 1! FIGHT! logo appears over 16-bit
music. Cursor selects "new game." Fade out/in to-
CHARACTER MENU SCREEN - Hundreds of tiny character
thumbnails, so small they're hard to make out. Player One
and Two cursors flip through them, passing random characters
like "Modern Art, Charlemagne, A Goose," etc. They settle on
"Barack Obama" and "Mitt Romney," respectively. Fade out/in
INT. DEBATE ROOM - DAY
Obama rides in on a robotic jet donkey. Opposite him, a
mystic portal opens and Romney rides in on an epic
LOTR-style elephant. They dismount.
I'll bet you $10,000 that you're
going down right now.
Yes I Can put my foot up your ass!
As they speak, their health bars fill above them.
3! 2! 1! Fight!
Let's warm up!
Obama produces a basketball and starts dribbling it faster
Gettin' Pumped! READY TO GOVERN!
Perfect Hair Cannon!
Hatches open in his silver temples, producing tiny laser
cannons. They fire at Obama. Obama flips out of the way.
Obama fires the now-flaming basketball at Romney, who
deflects it. Romney leaps high into the air.
Corporate climber! Pink slip! Pink
slip! Pink slip!
He flings glowing PINK SLIPS down at Obama. Obama is struck
and rolls back. Romney charges him.
Obama emits a series of "uhhh" sound effects (actual Obama
audio samples). Romney gets knocked back by the sound waves.
Romney Clan Slam!
Mitt uppercuts Obama up into the air. ROMNEY'S FIVE SONS
each appear onscreen in Mormon missionary uniforms and sock
Obama one by one, juggling him higher into the air. The
fifth one slams him down into the ground. Obama recovers.
Green Energy Boost!
Obama sprouts solar panel and a spinning wind tower. His HP
bar glows and recharges. The wind tower blows Romney back.
A door slams shut in front of Romney (sign: upper crust
only). Above it, a spinner appears. On it are green sections
like "+$500,000", "+$1 million","+$10 million," and a narrow
red section called "Video Leak." Spinner lands on Video
Video Leak! Forty-seven Percenalty!
The door crumbles, Romney takes damage, and 47% of his
health bar goes up in smoke. He falls backward.
Veep Assist! Paul Ryan!
PAUL RYAN beams down in full camo, with a compound bow.
Veep Assist! Joe Biden!
A Motorcycle Babe pulls up on a motorbike with JOE BIDEN
riding bitch seat. He hops off & she speeds away.
Paul Ryan fires his bow at Biden.
He kicks the arrow back at Paul Ryan. It strikes him & Ryan
dematerializes. Joe's foot continues its swing all the way
up and lands square in his mouth.
Foot in Mouth!
Biden dematerializes. Obama charges a Super Move.
(ultra cool close-up)
SEAL Team Six!
A squad of ultra-high-tech Navy SEALS rope and and blast
Romney with giant guns. Romney is blown back, his HP almost
depleted. He rolls to his feet.
Obama launches a flying kick at Romney, is interrupted by...
(ultra cool close-up)
Romney teleports behind Obama, leaving behind a smirking
after-image. Obama kicks right through it. Romney grabs
Obama from behind, and delivers a devastating slow-mo
suplex. Obama's HP is almost gone. He ducks a follow-up
punch and jumps to the other side of the screen.
2006 Mitt Romney!
A voting booth time machine lands in front of Obama. A
blue-necktied version of Mitt Romney steps out.
Our state's health care reform
should be a model for the nation.
Mitt Romney attacks, but his punches and kicks are perfectly
mirrored and negated by 2006 Mitt. They leap apart.
2006 Mitt and Obama each produce a thick binder labeled
"Romneycare" and "Obamacare," respectively. They slap them
together into a HUGE man-sized binder with the Caduceus on
OBAMA / 2006 MITT
They slam it down towards Romney.
Giant Flag Pin!
He unhooks his American flag lapel pin and flings it at
Obama. It strikes Obama just as the giant health care plan
crushes Romney. Both HP bars hit zero.
Onscreen text over screen: "Game Over! Insert $500 Million
to Campaign Again."
Beneath it, a "Continue?" countdown clock starts counting
down from 10.