By Owen Parsons
Hanukkah sways dizzily. Christmas charges his finisher. CHRISTMAS DANGER MANGER! A MANGER SCENE teleports in. THREE WISE MEN present their gifts to the INFANT JESUS, who was probably only an important historical prophet and not the literal son of God. WISE MAN 1 Take this gift of Gold! WISE MAN 2 And Frankincense! WISE MAN 3 (patting his pockets) And... uh... uh... oh jeez... Wise Man 3 turns and TEARS HANUKKAH'S ROBOT HEAD OFF, then turns and offers it to the baby Jesus. WISE MAN 3 Here ya go, kid. ANNOUNCER K.O.! Christmas wins! Hanukkah's headless body falls over.