Lost RPG

By

Patrick Cassels, Kevin Corrigan & Brian Murphy

          The elegant Lost logo glides toward the screen. The elegance
          is undercut when "THE GAME" pops in with a chiptune version
          of Driveshaft's "You All Everybody."

          LEVEL SELECTION. In the style of a flight manifest.

          TEXT: CHOOSE YOUR LOCATION! > ON THE ISLAND/OFF THE ISLAND >
          ON THE ISLAND

          TEXT: CHOOSE YOUR TIME! > FLASH-FORWARD/FLASH-BACK/UH,
          PRESENT I GUESS? > UH, PRESENT I GUESS?

          TEXT: CHOOSE YOUR REALITY > ALTERNATE REALITY/REALITY
          REALITY/WHATEVER!!! > WHATEVER!!!

          TEXT: LEVEL 1

          EXT. BEACH - REGULAR GAMEPLAY

          The beach is covered in flaming plane debris and dying
          passengers. Jack enters.

          JACK: Quick! Who needs spinal surgery?! (BEAT)
          Anyone?
	
	  HURLEY: Help!

          BOONE: Help!

          CLAIRE: Australian help!

          Jack runs to each survivor and does the following:

          TEXT: MENU > SKILLS > BRAVERY/PERFECT 5 O'CLOCK
          SHADOW/ALCOHOLISM/DOCTOR STUFF! > DOCTOR STUFF!

          TEXT: PASSENGERS SAVED! LEADER MODE UNLOCKED! ACCEPT? >
          YES/NO

          Cursor selects NO. NEGATIVE BUZZ.

          TEXT: SORRY. IT'S YOU'RE DESTINY? ACCEPT? > YES/NO > YES

          EXT. WOODS - BATTLE MODE!

          Jack, Boone, SAWYER, CHARLIE, SAYID, KATE and SHANNON face
          off against a POLAR BEAR. The cursor chooses Sayid.

          TEXT: POLAR BEAR USED "CONFUSION."

          A magical, sparkly WHOOSH circles the good guys.

          CHARLIE: What the shit is a polar bear doing in the jungle?

          TEXT: SAWYER > ATTACK > BLOODLUST/SNARKY NICKNAME/GUN >
          SNARKY NICKNAME

          SAWYER: Back of, uh, Frozen Bear Man- screw this?

          TEXT: ATTACK > GUN

          Sawyer shoots the bear. Everyone does a triumphant dance.
          Suddenly, the screen rumbles along with the MONSTER SFX.

          TEXT: YOUR PARTY HAS BEEN ATTACKED BY "?????"

          TEXT: ACTION > FIGHT/AT LEAST STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH SO WE
          CAN SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE/RUN > RUN

          Jack's party runs away.

          EXT. OCEAN

          MICHAEL, WALT, JIN and Sawyer cruise on the raft. Sunny
          beach music plays. Suddenly, there's a BEEPING SFX.

          MICHAEL: A boat's coming! We're saved!

          WALT: Hooray!

          JIN: [Something in Korean].

          The OTHERS' boat arrives. MR. FRIENDLY throws a Mario-like
          BOMB onto the good guys' boat. It explodes.

          MR. FRIENDLY: We're taking the boy!

          The boat scoops up Walt.

          TEXT: MICHAEL > ITEM > USE > WALT WHISTLE

          MICHAEL: WAAAAAAAAAAAALT!

          TEXT: IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE. (BEAT) JUST ANNOYING.

          TEXT: LEVEL 2

          INT. DHARMA SWAN STATION - MINI GAME

          A "pushing the button" mini-game.

          TEXT: ENTER THE NUMBERS OR SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN!

          The counter ticks down. An alarm beeps.

          TEXT: I'D LOVE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS TOO, BUT YOU REALLY
          GOTTA ENTER THOSE NUMBERS. IT COULD BE SOMETHING BAD.

          The alarm gets louder and the screen shakes.

          TEXT: OR COOL. I'M SO NERVOUS, BUT ALSO EXCITED.

          Louder alarm. Screen shakes more violently.

          TEXT: OH NO. THIS SEEMS BAD. THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.

          The buttons turn to hieroglyphics as the screen shakes and
          blinks red.

          TEXT: OH SHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIII-

          FADE TO WHITE.

          EXT. DOCK - BATTLE MODE!

          KATE, SAWYER and JACK face off against HENRY.

          TEXT: JACK > ATTACK > BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM.

          Jack beats the crap out of Henry Gale.

          TEXT: SAWYER > ATTACK > KEEP BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF HIM.

          TEXT: SERIOUSLY? HE'S PRETTY MESSED UP ALREADY.

          Sawyer beats the crap out of Henry Gale.

          TEXT: HENRY GALE > COMBINE > MICHAEL   HIS SON'S LIFE

          Michael enters with a gun and unties Henry. Kate, Sawyer and
          Jack put their hands up.

          TEXT: MICHAEL HAS SOLD YOU OUT.

          A picture of Henry Gale pops up and morphs.

          TEXT: HENRY GALE IS EVOLVING INTO... BEN LINUS!

          TEXT (OVER LINUS): -100 HONESTY,  100 BADASS-ERY

          TEXT: LEVEL 3

          EXT. HYDRA STATION/JUNGLE - RUNNING MINI-GAME

          Jack stands in the Jungle. We are behind his back, Crash
          Bandicoot-style. (Yup, Crash Bandicoot.)

          TEXT: SURVIVE SEASON 3! DODGE BAD PLOTS AND MAKE IT TO THE
          SEASON FINALE! GO!

          Jack runs, dodging and jumping over the following characters
          who pop out, representing early S3 episodes. Each bad plot
          "hurts" Jack, with a painful BREATHING SFX.

          SAWYER: WANT A FISH BISCUIT, DOC?

          NIKKI & PAULO: WHERE'S THE DIAMOND WE STOLE?!

          BAI LING: YOUR TATTOOS ARE TOTALLY WORTH 60 MINUTES!

          Jack starts collecting good plots ponits, with an
          accompanying "healing" effect.

          BEN: I SHOT LOCKE!

          MIKHAIL: SEIZURE-INDUCING SONAR FENCES!

          CHARLIE: NOT PENNY'S BOAT!

          Jack arrives at the finish line. CUT TO a cool, anime-style
          graphic of Jack giving a thumbs up to camera. A BEARD is
          slaped on his chin, like armor.

          TEXT: FINALE REACHED! FLASH FORWARDS UNLOCKED!

          JACK (WORD BUBBLE; WITH A SMILE): I'M DEPRESSED!

          TEXT: LEVEL 4

          INT. FREIGHTER - REGULAR GAMEPLAY

          TEXT: "CONSTANT" CHALLENGE: BALANCE ROMANCE AND INFORMATION!

          DESMOND makes his way through the Freighter. A horizontal
          ROMANCE/INFORMATION bar is at the bottom, shifting
          appropriately as desmond talks to several characters.

          KEAMY: We work for Charles Widmore.

          FARRADAY: The Island is jumping through time. That's why
          stuff's been so weird.

          PENNY: I love, you desmond!

          TEXT: PERFECT BALANCE! BEST EPISODE BONUS! SPIN THE FROZEN
          DONKEY WHEEL!

          TEXT: PRESS "A" TO SPIN

          A graphic of the frozen donkey wheel. It's surrounded by
          prizes, wheel of fortune style: MORE DESMOND SCENES/SMOKE
          MONSTER ATTACK/SPIN AGAIN/NEW DRIVESHAFT SONG/JUMP TO
          SEASON. It lands on "Jump to Season 5."

          TEXT: LEVEL 5

          INT. HOTEL - NIGHT

          BEN enters and approaches LOCKE.

          LOCKE: Ben, we need to convince the Oceanic 6 to return to
          the Island.

          BEN: Don't worry I know how to get their attention.

          TEXT: BEN > USE ITEM > REASON/HONESTY/NOOSE > NOOSE

          The cursor moves over Locke.

          LOCKE: Ah, crap-ola.

          Ben strangles Locke.

          EXT. SWAN STATION CONSTRUCTION SITE - 1970s

          JACK, KATE, SAWYER and JULIET run to the well.

          JACK: If we blow up the Island. We can save everyone.

          SAWYER: Right! I- I think.

          TEXT: JACK > USE ITEM > NUCLEAR BOMB

          The cursor highlights the well. Jack throws the bomb down.

          JULIET: Nothing happened!

          TEXT: JACK > USE ITEM > JULIET

          JULIET: Ah, crap-ola!

          Juliet is sucked down the well. FLASH!

          TEXT (BLACK ON WHITE THIS TIME): SEASON 4 (WHITE BACKGROUND.
          PRETTY COOL, RIGHT?)

          EXT. STORMY CLIFF - BATTLE MODE!

          JACK and JACOB faces off against THE MAN IN BLACK.

          TEXT: THE MAN IN BLACK > ARMOR > LOCK'S BODY!

          The Smoke Monster transforms to Locke. Over Locke:  10 Keep
          Terry Quinn On Show

          TEXT: JACK > ATTACK > AWESOME JUMP PUNCH!

          TEXT: LOCK BLOCKED WITH: COMMERCIAL BREAK

          CUT TO 5 SECONDS OF AN ACTUAL COMMERCIAL FOR DESPERATE
          HOUSEWIVES (OR SOMETHING). CUT BACK.

          TEXT: JACK > USE ITEM > AMBIGUOUS SPIRITUAL CONCLUSION

          FLASH TO:

          INT. CHURCH

          The entire cast dances. There is an open door flooded with
          white light in the background. A banner reads: ALTERNATE
          DIMENSION FRIEND REUNION.

          TEXT: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN! I... I THINK?

          END.