By Emily Axford & Brian Murphy
INT. ELVEN TREE APARTMENT ELOWYN, surrounded by an aura of white, finishes an enchanting song. ELOWYN (singing) And so he climbed the mountain bare / and snatched the crown from the dragon's lair. The song ends. Her two elf friends, ACHEWON and LEKE, clap enthusiastically. Pan over to BRIAN. BRIAN Babe. That. Was. Awesome. You could be on The Voice. Levine's team. CUT TO: TITLECARD ELOWYN 'Twas the tale of Lasuen, a warrior most brave. ACHEWON He is one of our greatest heros! LEKE Tell us, Brian, who are the legends of your people? Brian is put on the spot. BRIAN Okay, wow, so many to choose from, hmm, well, I guess the bravest warrior I can think of, top of the dome, is- Vin...Diesel. ACHEWON Vin Diesel. He sounds most fearsome. BRIAN (getting into it) Oh my God. So fearsome. He probably benches like 375, he only wears wife beaters, and he's completely hairless. Everyone "ooo's". LEKE Sing us a song of his journeys! Everyone is super into this idea. Brian looks so scared. ELOWYN Yes! Yes! A song. (leans into him) I'd love to hear a song of your people. BRIAN OK. Brian does some pathetic vocal warm-ups. BRIAN (hesitantly) There once was a man stronger than all of us / he drove cars so fast and so furious Everyone looks enthralled. BRIAN (CONT'D) he was being chased by The Rock / the nation's toughest cop / cause he was wanted... (going into Bon Jovi) ...dead or alive. ACHEWON Who is this "The Rock?" BRIAN (totally into it now) Uh, he's like 6'5", tribal tats, totally yolked, survived the Stone Cold Stunner. You guys don't know what that is, but it's worse than dragons. They gasp in awe. ELOWYN He sounds like a worthy companion for the Diesel. BRIAN Yes, but, well, at first they're like against each other, but then... y'know what, I'll just keep going with it- Brian starts to sing again, just as badly as before, but this time with more confidence. This time, music accompanies him and he glows with a white aura. BRIAN (singing) The Rock and Vin Diesel did battle / Through walls and windows they tackled / but after a series of events / they would become friends / and take down Rio's biggest drug lord. Music cuts out. Brian wipes away a tear, proud. LEKE (O.S.) Wait- Leke holds up a Blu Ray case of Fast Five. LEKE (looking at the back) Is this the Vin Diesel you were singing about? BRIAN What? No, that's a- yes. Silence. Brian is ashamed. Everyone is embarrassed for him. ACHEWON You sang the plot of a movie to us. BRIAN Yes. There is a beat of weird silence. BRIAN Do you guys wanna watch it? A beat. ACHEWON No. ELOWYN (whispered just to Brian) I don't think they like you. Brian nods. END.