GUY:
You’re one of a kind, and totally unique
I was just about to call you, when you called me
And no I didn’t notice that girl’s Double D’s
you’re the only girl I see

I love to watch you shop in Anthropologie, and I agree
that we should go completely gluten-free
You totally look good in high-waisted jeans
I love monogamy

I will tell these little lies to keep you around
they’re not true, but to you, oh to you, it doesn’t matter
I’m just telling you... what you want to hear

Your breath doesn’t stink when we wake up in my bed
And it’s comfortable to sleep with my arm trapped beneath your head
You’re prettier than your sister and she’s a bitch, you’re right
I miss you at poker night

You’re better than my ex at giving me a beej
But I’d still rather go down on you than you go down on me
My favorite position is eye contact with you
When I watch porn I think of you

GIRL (BRIDGE):
None of my guy friends and I have ever screwed
And you could beat up any guy here if you wanted to
I’m into morning sex, naked texts, and splitting the check
Baby your penis size is per-fect

GIRL & GUY:
We just say these little things to keep each other around
Are they true? What is truth? There’s only fights, and not-fights
So I’ll keep telling you... what you want to hear.

GIRL: (spoken) You’re so good at acoustic guitar, baby.
GUY: (spoken) Thanks, I learned because of a lifelong love of music and not to get girls at parties.