Hardly Working: Fraggle Rock

By

Dan Gurewitch & Patrick Cassels

          INT. OFFICE - PAT'S DESK

          PAT and OWEN are working. DAN slowly walks by in a state of
          shock. He slowly lowers his iPhone 5 from his eyes.

                              PAT
                    Hey Dan, you okay, buddy?

                              OWEN
                    You look like you've seen Ghost,
                    starring Whoopi Goldberg.

                              DAN
                    I just found out that a colossal
                    nor'easter devastated my home town
                    of Fraggle Rock.

                              OWEN
                    Where?

                              DAN
                    Fraggle Rock, Maine. It's a coastal
                    hamlet north of Bar Harbor. Well,
                    it was. Now it's been leveled by a
                    storm of biblical proportions.

                              PAT
                         (snickering)
                    But "Fraggle Rock," like that show
                    with the Muppets?

                              DAN
                    Like the once-thriving community
                    that raised me! The chapel was
                    ripped from its foundation by
                    relentless, bitter winds. They
                    found Father O'Malley impaled on a
                    lealess spruce, like, like some
                    sort of desperate offering to a
                    malevolent God.

          Dan looks up, Owen and Pat are smirking.

                              DAN
                    Don't you even care?

                              PAT
                    Well, we did. But then we danced
                    our cares away.

          Pat and Owen struggle to hold back their laughter.

                              DAN
                    I just saw this YouTube video of
                    the earth opening up and swallowing
                    my sister in her Kia Sorrento. I'm
                    really worried.

          Owen, sympathetic, hugs Dan.

                              OWEN
                         (whispering)
                    There, there, Dan. Worries for
                    another day.

          More laughter from Owen & Pat.

                              DAN
                         (quickly shoves Owen)
                    It's not funny! The baker's wife
                    was convinced it was the End Times
                    and poisoned her own children.
                    Their innocent corpses were flung
                    about like ragdolls by a giant
                    squid.

                              PAT
                         (sympathetic)
                    I'm so sorry, Dan. When's the
                    memorial service?

                              DAN
                    Next week, I think.

                              PAT
                    Mmm. And you think they'll play
                    music?

                              DAN
                    Huh? I dunno.

                              PAT
                    And when they try to stop the
                    music, you'll ask them to...?

                              DAN
                    Look, I know you're trying to get
                    me to say "Let the music play"!

                              OWEN/PAT
                         (high-fiving)
                    He said it!/Woo!

                              DAN
                         (sobbing)
                    You two are sick! You're sick! This
                    is worst tragedy that's ever
                    occurred down at Fraggle Rock!

          Owen and Pat, smiling, CLAP TWICE.

                              DAN
                    There is only despair down at
                    Fraggle Rock!

          WIDE: EVERYONE at their desks smiles and CLAPS TWICE.

          CLOSE on a FRAGGLE PUPPET at a desk.

                              FRAGGLE PUPPET
                         (silly, deep voice)
                    Down at Fraggle Rock!

                              ANU
                         (annoyed)
                    Shut up, Gordon.

                              FRAGGLE PUPPET
                    Sorry.
                         (to office)
                    Hey, anyone wanna hop on my
                    Seamless order? I'm jonesing for a
                    pork bun.

          END.