From CH Staff on
Dan gives Pat and Owen some terrible, adorable news.
By Dan Gurewitch & Patrick Cassels
INT. OFFICE - PAT'S DESK PAT and OWEN are working. DAN slowly walks by in a state of shock. He slowly lowers his iPhone 5 from his eyes. PAT Hey Dan, you okay, buddy? OWEN You look like you've seen Ghost, starring Whoopi Goldberg. DAN I just found out that a colossal nor'easter devastated my home town of Fraggle Rock. OWEN Where? DAN Fraggle Rock, Maine. It's a coastal hamlet north of Bar Harbor. Well, it was. Now it's been leveled by a storm of biblical proportions. PAT (snickering) But "Fraggle Rock," like that show with the Muppets? DAN Like the once-thriving community that raised me! The chapel was ripped from its foundation by relentless, bitter winds. They found Father O'Malley impaled on a lealess spruce, like, like some sort of desperate offering to a malevolent God. Dan looks up, Owen and Pat are smirking. DAN Don't you even care? PAT Well, we did. But then we danced our cares away. Pat and Owen struggle to hold back their laughter. DAN I just saw this YouTube video of the earth opening up and swallowing my sister in her Kia Sorrento. I'm really worried. Owen, sympathetic, hugs Dan. OWEN (whispering) There, there, Dan. Worries for another day. More laughter from Owen & Pat. DAN (quickly shoves Owen) It's not funny! The baker's wife was convinced it was the End Times and poisoned her own children. Their innocent corpses were flung about like ragdolls by a giant squid. PAT (sympathetic) I'm so sorry, Dan. When's the memorial service? DAN Next week, I think. PAT Mmm. And you think they'll play music? DAN Huh? I dunno. PAT And when they try to stop the music, you'll ask them to...? DAN Look, I know you're trying to get me to say "Let the music play"! OWEN/PAT (high-fiving) He said it!/Woo! DAN (sobbing) You two are sick! You're sick! This is worst tragedy that's ever occurred down at Fraggle Rock! Owen and Pat, smiling, CLAP TWICE. DAN There is only despair down at Fraggle Rock! WIDE: EVERYONE at their desks smiles and CLAPS TWICE. CLOSE on a FRAGGLE PUPPET at a desk. FRAGGLE PUPPET (silly, deep voice) Down at Fraggle Rock! ANU (annoyed) Shut up, Gordon. FRAGGLE PUPPET Sorry. (to office) Hey, anyone wanna hop on my Seamless order? I'm jonesing for a pork bun. END.