From CH Staff on
She's in a race against the clock to save her country and her game.UnsSubscribe ToFrom Shorts
By Patrick Cassels & Adam Conover
A 16-bit version of the Homeland titles plays for a few moments, accompanied by 8-bit jazz. Helicopters and Obama's pixellated face parallax scroll by static backgrounds. Just like on the actual show, snatches of dialogue play during the intro -- except here, they're horribly digitized 16-bit voice samples. CARRIE I missed something once before, I can't let that happen again! SAUL We all missed something that day. Come to rest on a Homeland title. "Season 1. Press Start." The player presses start. CHARACTER CREATION SCENE BRODY, CARRIE, SAUL are displayed on the character creation scene. They each have two stats, and 10 stat points to spend, except for Saul who has 20. For Carrie: The player puts 9 points in INTELLIGENCE and 1 point in SANITY. Under SPECIAL ABILITIES, she has "Jazz appreciation" and "Awkward Sexual Advances." For Brody: the player puts 8 points in STEALTH and 2 points in SANITY. Under SPECIAL ABILITIES, he has "Muslim prayer" and "Unreasonably hot wife." For Saul: The player puts 10 points in WISDOM and 10 points in BEARD. SPECIAL ABILITIES: "Mumbling" and "Rumpled shirts." The player selects "BEGIN!" INT. CIA OFFICE Carrie enters. Saul is there. CARRIE: Captain Brody has been turned! SAUL: That seems hard to believe. CARRIE: But... but... We transition into a mini-game: MINI-GAME An 8-bit rendering of Carrie's face sits next to NES "A" and "B" buttons marked "WE DON'T TRUST YOU" and "YOU'RE CRAZY". TEXT: "TAP BUTTONS to UNDERMINE CARRIE!" The player taps the buttons as quickly as possible. Carrie's face animates through four stages of crying, becoming more wet and red in each frame. On the final frame: TEXT: "CRY FACE SUMMONED!" INT. BRODY'S LIVING ROOM Brody enters. His wife and MIKE are there. They jump apart as Brody enters. WIFE: Brody! You're back! BRODY: What is he doing here?! Brody runs at Mike and we're in FIGHT MODE! FIGHT SCENE Brody is on the right, Mike is on the left. MIKE: Just calm down Brody. TEXT: MENU > FIGHT > PTSD RAGE PUNCH Brody turns red. More intense fight music plays. TEXT: Brody has GONE BERSERK! BRODY: You slept with my wife! He fist-punches Mike, who disappears. HAMID (Brody's guard who abused him) appears. BRODY: You tortured me!! He rage-punches Hamid. Hamid disappears. A REPORTER appears. BRODY: I hate reporters!! He pummels the reporter, doing massive damage. A DEER appears. BRODY: I hate deer!! He shoots the deer to bits with a machine gun, doing enormous damage. A fanfare plays and Brody does a victory dance. BRODY'S KIDS run on from the side. BRODY'S DAUGHTER: Dad! What are you doing? TEXT: Congratulations! You've TRAUMATIZED YOUR CHILDREN! EXT. PARKING LOT Carrie approaches Brody. CARRIE: Hello Brody. BRODY: Hey, Carrie, what are you doing here? A choice menu pops up. OPTIONS: "INTERROGATE SUSPECT." "HAVE SEX WITH SUSPECT." The player chooses the second option. FADE TO: INT. CAR Carrie and Brody have awkward 16-bit sex in a car. TEXT: "TAP A TO AWKWARDLY BONE." The player taps "A". Brody's butt thrusts spazzily over and over. INT. VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE Brody enters. The VICE PRESIDENT is there. VICE PRESIDENT: I'm the Vice President, and for some reason extremely powerful. I'd like you to run for Congress. Close up on Brody. We dissolve to a FLASHBACK... FLASHBACK Desert dunes parallax scroll by as 8-bit prologue music plays... TEXT: "YEARS AGO, in IRAQ..." TEXT: "PRESS A to SKIP" The player mashes on "A" and the flashback abruptly ends. INT. VICE PRESIDENT'S OFFICE Closeup on Brody. TEXT: "You've decided to kill the Vice President for some reason!" MINI GAME TEXT: HELP CARRIE TAKE HER LITHIUM! A giant Dr. Mario style bottle. Carrie stands to the side and throws pills into the bottle. The player has to stack them, but they quickly fill the bottle. TEXT: "YOU LOSE. MANIC EPISODE MODE ENGAGED." The Carrie on the right starts jumping around crazily off the screen. INT. BUNKER The Vice President and his entourage stream into a bunker, along with Brody. VICE PRESIDENT: A sniper tried to kill me! Thank god we're all safe. Brody runs at the Vice President. We transition into FIGHT MODE. The Vice President and his men are facing the other way. TEXT: "The Vice President is surprised!" MENU: FIGHT > EXPLODING VEST TEXT: "Brody is gathering his nerve..." CARRIE appears at the top of the fight screen with Brody's daughter DANA in front of her. TEXT: "Carrie used DAUGHTER GUILT TRIP." Dana emits "sound waves" at Brody. SFX: A 16-bit "Dad, are you coming home?" voice sample. TEXT: "It's super effective!" Brody collapses and a failure theme plays. TEXT: "Brody couldn't go through with it..." Carrie does a victory dance. TEXT: "You saved America!" MINI-GAME We see Carrie's close-up face again. TEXT: Tap A to receive shock treatments! The player taps the A button and lightning courses through Carrie's convulsing face. END.