In our new series, all the world's a stage.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT. BLACK BOX THEATRE SPACE - DAY
CALM NARRATOR (V.O.)
(with accompanying TITLE)
"Everyday Acting." The theatre
workshop for real-life situations.
TEXT: "AT THE BAR" fades in, then out, as VIRGIL HONEYCUTT
addresses a circle of STUDENTS.
"The bar is the ultimate stage."
Anton Chekbov said this while
peeing beside me at a trough
If you are the first to arrive, use
your mobile telephone as a prop to
convince the world you are not a
sad person who drinks alone.
Everyone takes out their cell phones.
I like to pretend I'm texting my
imaginary friend Lionel. If you
have a real friend, let that
inspire you - I personally do not,
so I use Lionel.
"What's that Lionel? I'm invited to
a party with many important guests
including Bill Pullman? Yes, I can
attend!" AND SCENE.
(showing his phone)
As you can see, I've just been
tapping on a photo of my basement
It is often said that "the specific
is universal." This is BULL SHITE
at a bar, when you may be
surrounded by sports fans and must
convincingly blend in with them.
Vague dialogue is king.
Quick cuts as students attempt this:
Obtain the most points!
Bad legs, Uniform Man!
When a friend's friend remembers
you, and you don't remember them,
you must sell your performance with
He performs two versions of a greeting to an O.S. person
(separate shots). Text is overlayed as described:
Back to teaching:
And ask questions that could lead
you to their identity.
"What is your favorite word that
rhymes with your name?"
Good! Now, internalize this moment,
Vera: I've just made a joke to you.
The music was too loud for you to
hear, but you must be polite.
Vera forces a REALLY AWKWARD LAUGH.
That came from here. And I fucking
Now, it is of paramount importance
that your audience doesn't realize
that taking shots makes you want to
cry and barf. We must exercise
Virgil walks around, correcting students as they attempt to
stop their faces from looking puckered and pained.
Make your mouth tiny. Tiny mouths,
suck it up. If you feel a tear on
your cheek, catch it with your
Pembroke FLICKS HIS TONGUE sucking up a tear.
If you MUST react, overreact so
comically that your audience will
think you're being ironic.
Virgil looks at Rebecca. She's drinking out of a flask.
Rebecca- Jesus Rebecca, have you
actually been drinking?
Rebecca coughs up a little barf as we BLACK OUT.