Everyday Acting: Seeing an Ex

By

Dan Gurewitch

          INT. BLACK BOX THEATRE SPACE - DAY

                              CALM NARRATOR (V.O.)
                         (with accompanying TITLE)
                    "Everyday Acting." The theatre
                    workshop for real-life situations.

          VIRGIL HONEYCUTT addresses a circle of STUDENTS. TEXT:
          "SEEING AN EX" fades in, then out. 

                              VIRGIL
                    Seeing a girl or boyfriend that you
                    haven't seen since the break-up.
                    This... is theatre.
                         (beat)
                    You must never betray the pain and
                    anguish you feel. This is LIFE, not
                    a fucking middle school production
                    of Pippin.

                                                          CUT TO:

          INTERCUT Virgil giving performance notes with Virgil giving
          an EXAMPLE PERFORMANCE, smiling wide, as students take
          notes.

                              VIRGIL (CONT'D)
                    The word "great" is your ally.
                         (performing; quick cuts:)
                    "Naomi! Great to see you."/"I'm
                    great, everything's really great."/
                    "Great great great great great."
                         (teaching)
                    The fictional character you're
                    inhabiting is you.
                         (performing)
                    "Got that promotion I was gunning
                    for, finally joined that Crunch
                    Gym, and my new apartment has a
                    breakfast nook."
                         (teaching)
                    The greatest actors tell two
                    different stories with their mouth
                    and their eyes.
                         (performing; fake smile)
                    Oh, you moved two blocks away!
                    Welcome! Great!

                                                          CUT TO:

                              VIRGIL (CONT'D)
                    Nikolai, I believe you prepared a
                    backhanded compliment.

                              NIKOLAI
                    "Oh, you're running a marathon! I
                    just read this thing in the
                    Atlantic about how a lot of that
                    charity money goes to the wrong
                    people, but cool you're doing it!"

                              VIRGIL
                    Powerful stuff, Nikolai. Remember
                    to suck in your gut. Rebecca?

                              REBECCA
                    "Every sight, sound, and smell
                    reminds me of you."

                              VIRGIL
                    NO! Christ, Rebecca, it's like
                    you're allergic to learning.

                                                          CUT TO:

                              VIRGIL (CONT'D)
                    Now, if you meet your ex's new
                    romantic partner, this is an
                    actor's dream: for you must ACT as
                    if you don't already know every
                    detail of their life from stalking
                    their Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn.

                                                          CUT TO:

          VERA, BERTRAND and GRAYSON act out a new-boyfriend-
          introduction scene. CU: VIRGIL'S FACE between them.

                              VERA
                    "This is my new boyfriend, Roger."

                              GRAYSON
                         (shaking Bertrand's hand)
                         "Roger... what an interesting
                         and surprising name."

                              

                              VIRGIL
                    Yes, yes! Revert to a primordial
                    state of unknowing!

                              GRAYSON
                    "What is your job? What is your
                    favorite television show?"

                              VIRGIL
                    Exemplary!

                              GRAYSON
                    "Aside from Friday Night Lights."

                              VIRGIL
                    NO! An unacceptable loss of focus
                    and discipline! Three vocal warm-
                    ups, Grayson!

                                                      QUICK CUTS:

                              GRAYSON & VIRGIL
                         (aggressively enunciating)
                    I don't think thoughts of your
                    thick thighs.
                         (new shot)
                    I met someone, her name is Pam,
                    pah- lee, pah-loo, pah-lah.
                         (new shot)
                    Only the lonely eat banh mi and
                    bone me.

                                                          CUT TO:

                              VIRGIL
                    When you have performed your small
                    talk, it is time for your encore:
                    the excuse to leave.
                         (performing)
                    "I have to go. I- left a- a piece
                    of toast. On my dresser."
                         (teaching)
                    It doesn't matter. Just get the
                    fuck out of there.

          END.