There's no greater performance than pretending you've moved on.
By Dan Gurewitch
INT. BLACK BOX THEATRE SPACE - DAY
CALM NARRATOR (V.O.)
(with accompanying TITLE)
"Everyday Acting." The theatre
workshop for real-life situations.
VIRGIL HONEYCUTT addresses a circle of STUDENTS. TEXT:
"SEEING AN EX" fades in, then out.
Seeing a girl or boyfriend that you
haven't seen since the break-up.
This... is theatre.
You must never betray the pain and
anguish you feel. This is LIFE, not
a fucking middle school production
INTERCUT Virgil giving performance notes with Virgil giving
an EXAMPLE PERFORMANCE, smiling wide, as students take
The word "great" is your ally.
(performing; quick cuts:)
"Naomi! Great to see you."/"I'm
great, everything's really great."/
"Great great great great great."
The fictional character you're
inhabiting is you.
"Got that promotion I was gunning
for, finally joined that Crunch
Gym, and my new apartment has a
The greatest actors tell two
different stories with their mouth
and their eyes.
(performing; fake smile)
Oh, you moved two blocks away!
Nikolai, I believe you prepared a
"Oh, you're running a marathon! I
just read this thing in the
Atlantic about how a lot of that
charity money goes to the wrong
people, but cool you're doing it!"
Powerful stuff, Nikolai. Remember
to suck in your gut. Rebecca?
"Every sight, sound, and smell
reminds me of you."
NO! Christ, Rebecca, it's like
you're allergic to learning.
Now, if you meet your ex's new
romantic partner, this is an
actor's dream: for you must ACT as
if you don't already know every
detail of their life from stalking
their Facebook, Twitter & LinkedIn.
VERA, BERTRAND and GRAYSON act out a new-boyfriend-
introduction scene. CU: VIRGIL'S FACE between them.
"This is my new boyfriend, Roger."
(shaking Bertrand's hand)
"Roger... what an interesting
and surprising name."
Yes, yes! Revert to a primordial
state of unknowing!
"What is your job? What is your
favorite television show?"
"Aside from Friday Night Lights."
NO! An unacceptable loss of focus
and discipline! Three vocal warm-
GRAYSON & VIRGIL
I don't think thoughts of your
I met someone, her name is Pam,
pah- lee, pah-loo, pah-lah.
Only the lonely eat banh mi and
When you have performed your small
talk, it is time for your encore:
the excuse to leave.
"I have to go. I- left a- a piece
of toast. On my dresser."
It doesn't matter. Just get the
fuck out of there.