ABC: Always Be Chomping.
By Kevin Corrigan, Caldwell Tanner & Owen Parsons
EXT. SKI SLOPE
STEVE flees on skis as BEAR chases, riding SHARK like a
snowboard. Bear and Shark go off a jump and do a cool trick.
FREEZE FRAME! TITLE CARD: BearShark!
Steve arrives at the bottom of the slope, gets back on the
ski lift and goes up the mountain.
Bear and Shark try to follow, but BIG, BEEFY SKI LIFT
ATTENDANT blocks their way. Attendant points to a sign
reading, "Lift tickets $20." Bear and shark look to each
other and each show their pockets are empty. Bear and shark
sulk off, defeated.
Bear and shark sit on a curb and sulk. Shark comforts bear.
A paper boy rides by and throws a newspaper to bear and
shark. The headline reads "Extra! Extra! Local newspaper
seeks paper boys to make big money!" Bear and Shark look at
each other. They dash off, grab the paper boy, eat him and
take his bike.
Note: All paper boys should look like 1920s newsies
INT. BIKE SHOP
Bear and shark sell the paper boy's bike to the store for
-Bear and Shark pop out of a mailbox and eat a paper boy.
-Bear and Shark sell three bikes to bike shop.
-Bear, dressed as a construction worked, detours Paper Boys
into Shark's mouth in a pool.
-Bear and Shark sell 10 bikes.
-Bear and Shark operate a magnet crane, sucking up dozens of
-Bear and Shark sell an enormous pile of bikes to bike shop.
Shark gestures toward the ski slopes and holds up a sack of
money, like "We can go eat Steve now." Bear shakes his head
no, then turns around. He gestures toward a NEWSPAPER PLANT
Newspaper spins to frame. It's the Bear and Shark Tribune.
The top headline reads "Bear and Shark Acquire Newspaper;
Carnivorous Publishers Nothing to Fear, Says Mayor"
INT. NEWSPAPER PRINTING SHOP
Transition into Shark holding the paper up. Reveal that
they're in a newspaper printing plant. Bear, wearing an
old-timey printer outfit claps for Shark. All of the
printing employees are running out screaming.
Bear and Shark become more and more successful. We see a
line of paper boys going into the newspaper plant and dump
trucks filled with bicycles coming out and bringing them to
the bike store. It's interspersed with business meetings,
growing line graphs, and bigger and bigger Bear and Shark
INT. LAVISH PENTHOUSE OFFICE
Bear and Shark wear tuxedos and top hats. They have gotten
fat. Pretty servants are dropping paper boys into their
mouths like grapes. Bear motions for them to stop. He
waddles over to the window and looks out. He sighs. He is
unfulfilled. Bear turns and a Snow Globe catches his eye.
Inside it, he relives the time he and Shark chased Steve
down the mountain. It was the last time he was happy.
EXT. STEVE'S BACHELOR PAD
Steve sits on his stoop. He looks forlorn. He's let himself
go. He is staring at a FRAMED PICTURE of himself halfway in
Shark's mouth, Bear is giving him bunny ears. Steve sighs,
then perks up as Bear and Shark's limo pulls up.
Bear, Shark and Steve have a tearful reunion hug. Slow
Motion. Steve smiles wistfully as he begins to flee. End
slow motion. Before Steve is out of arms length, Bear grabs
him and unceremoniously shoves him down Sharks mouth. Shark
swallows him in one gulp. Bear and Shark shake hands.
FREEZE FRAME! TITLE CARD: BEARSHARK!
TITLE CARD: Next time on BearShark
Steve's ghost floats up to Heaven. Bear and Shark angels eat
him when he arrives. Steve's ghost floats down to Hell. Bear
and Shark demons eat him when he arrives. Steve floats up to
heaven as an angel again. Bear and Shark angels are waiting.