ABC: Always Be Chomping.
By Kevin Corrigan, Caldwell Tanner & Owen Parsons
EXT. SKI SLOPE STEVE flees on skis as BEAR chases, riding SHARK like a snowboard. Bear and Shark go off a jump and do a cool trick. FREEZE FRAME! TITLE CARD: BearShark! Steve arrives at the bottom of the slope, gets back on the ski lift and goes up the mountain. Bear and Shark try to follow, but BIG, BEEFY SKI LIFT ATTENDANT blocks their way. Attendant points to a sign reading, "Lift tickets $20." Bear and shark look to each other and each show their pockets are empty. Bear and shark sulk off, defeated. EXT. STREET Bear and shark sit on a curb and sulk. Shark comforts bear. A paper boy rides by and throws a newspaper to bear and shark. The headline reads "Extra! Extra! Local newspaper seeks paper boys to make big money!" Bear and Shark look at each other. They dash off, grab the paper boy, eat him and take his bike. Note: All paper boys should look like 1920s newsies INT. BIKE SHOP Bear and shark sell the paper boy's bike to the store for cash. MONTAGE -Bear and Shark pop out of a mailbox and eat a paper boy. -Bear and Shark sell three bikes to bike shop. -Bear, dressed as a construction worked, detours Paper Boys into Shark's mouth in a pool. -Bear and Shark sell 10 bikes. -Bear and Shark operate a magnet crane, sucking up dozens of paper boys. -Bear and Shark sell an enormous pile of bikes to bike shop. They're rich. EXT. STREET Shark gestures toward the ski slopes and holds up a sack of money, like "We can go eat Steve now." Bear shakes his head no, then turns around. He gestures toward a NEWSPAPER PLANT behind them. CUT TO: Newspaper spins to frame. It's the Bear and Shark Tribune. The top headline reads "Bear and Shark Acquire Newspaper; Carnivorous Publishers Nothing to Fear, Says Mayor" INT. NEWSPAPER PRINTING SHOP Transition into Shark holding the paper up. Reveal that they're in a newspaper printing plant. Bear, wearing an old-timey printer outfit claps for Shark. All of the printing employees are running out screaming. Bear and Shark become more and more successful. We see a line of paper boys going into the newspaper plant and dump trucks filled with bicycles coming out and bringing them to the bike store. It's interspersed with business meetings, growing line graphs, and bigger and bigger Bear and Shark Tribune offices. INT. LAVISH PENTHOUSE OFFICE Bear and Shark wear tuxedos and top hats. They have gotten fat. Pretty servants are dropping paper boys into their mouths like grapes. Bear motions for them to stop. He waddles over to the window and looks out. He sighs. He is unfulfilled. Bear turns and a Snow Globe catches his eye. Inside it, he relives the time he and Shark chased Steve down the mountain. It was the last time he was happy. EXT. STEVE'S BACHELOR PAD Steve sits on his stoop. He looks forlorn. He's let himself go. He is staring at a FRAMED PICTURE of himself halfway in Shark's mouth, Bear is giving him bunny ears. Steve sighs, then perks up as Bear and Shark's limo pulls up. Bear, Shark and Steve have a tearful reunion hug. Slow Motion. Steve smiles wistfully as he begins to flee. End slow motion. Before Steve is out of arms length, Bear grabs him and unceremoniously shoves him down Sharks mouth. Shark swallows him in one gulp. Bear and Shark shake hands. FREEZE FRAME! TITLE CARD: BEARSHARK! TITLE CARD: Next time on BearShark Steve's ghost floats up to Heaven. Bear and Shark angels eat him when he arrives. Steve's ghost floats down to Hell. Bear and Shark demons eat him when he arrives. Steve floats up to heaven as an angel again. Bear and Shark angels are waiting. Steve sighs.