Watch this video standing and you'll burn 2 extra calories.
By Patrick Cassels & Streeter Seidell
INT. OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Pat strolls into the office and finds Streeter working on a standing desk. (Pat and Streeter sit across from each other) PAT Whoa, lose your chair or something? STREETER What, no, this? Yeah, this is just a standing desk. What do you use? PAT ...a chair? STREETER And you sit in it? PAT ...yes. STREETER Oooh, you know what, you really shouldn't use one of those. Sitting is killing us. PAT Yeah, totally... Streeter, without looking up, smugly smiles. Pat turns and walks away. PAT FUCK! CUT TO Streeter walks into the office to find Pat also working on a standing desk, but the computer is way above his head and he had to hold both his arms straight up to touch the keys. STREETER Hey, so, uh, what is that? Is that a standing desk? PAT This? No, god no. No, this is a stretching desk. Ooh, according to LifeHacker, standing and not stretching is killing us. STREETER Oh, yeah, tot- PAT Let me just show you... Pat walks over to where Streeter is working on his standing desk. He starts working on Streeter's desk, all bent up. PAT Ok, OW - I can feel myself dying. STREETER I thought it was healthy. PAT Well cavemen thought shit tasted good - OWEN No they didn't. CUT TO Pat is working at his stretching desk, he hears typing and looks around but doesn't see Streeter. He looks down and see streeter working on a floor desk, on all fours. STREETER Ooh, standing is actually a really unnatural body posture, so I went ahead and got a simian desk, which is how our monkey ancestors actually got work done. I'm sure you've heard of it. PAT Yeah...yeah. Sam enters. SAM Hey, we have that meeting with corporate. STREETER Sorry Pat, meeting. Sam walks away as Streeter monkey walks next to him. They make normal business conversation. CUT TO Pat is working completely nude. PAT Ooh, newsflash, turns out that posture isn't really important, it's more about letting your skin breathe. Pat stands and picks at Street's shirt. PAT Clothes are just tight fitting prison cells. Me, you can hear my skin breathing. Street listens. There's a faint hiss. STREETER Wow, that's...you're farting. Sam comes over. SAM Pat, we have that meeting with the Shanghai group...Ugh, who farted?! Wide of the whole office. Watt tentatively raises his hand. CUT TO Pat finds Streeter working in a pen surrounded by dogs. STREETER Ooh, certain ancient cultures say that working in close proximity to canines promotes increased brain activity. CUT TO Streeter sees Pat running full speed with a desk/computer on wheels. PAT Ooh, In Greco-Roman times - CUT TO Pat sees Streeter working with a HOLY MAN swinging a censer full of smoking incense and chanting in Latin STREETER Ooh, the scrolls of elderwile teach us - CUT TO Street sees Pat is laid out on a massage table, getting a massage from an OLD ASIAN WOMAN PAT Ooh, on an atomic level - CUT TO Street and Pat are both working at their desks normally. They fake smile at each other. PAT Ooh, you know what - STREETER I do know what. Weird desks are for assholes. PAT Yeah. Pull back to reveal both sitting on exercise balls. Pull back further to reveal Pat still getting a massage from the Old Asian Woman and Street still has the Holy Man swinging the incense. TAG - post credit CU on Watt packing up his desk into a box. Sam stands behind him. SAM You're disgusting.