From CH Staff on
If you love something, let them go.
By Brian Murphy
INT. BEDROOM JOSH wakes up in bed next to ANU. He rolls out and puts his pants on. Anu wakes up. It's a little awkward. ANU Hey. JOSH Hi, I was just gonna- head out. ANU Cool. Yeah, of course. Josh sighs. He sits on the edge of the bed. JOSH Hey, so what is this? Are we, like, exclusive? ANU I guess I hadn't really thought about it. MURPH (O.S.) Yeah, me neither. Pan over to REVEAL MURPH in bed with them. JOSH I mean, I know we're having fun, but I feel like I'm developing feelings for you guys. MURPH Whoa. ANU Josh, please- JOSH I just want to know that this is going somewhere! MURPH I thought we said we were gonna keep it casual! OWEN pops out from under the covers next to Murph. OWEN Casual? What does that mean? Do you guys want to be with other groups of people? MURPH (looking down) I don't know. ANU It's complicated. EMILY (O.S.) Maybe I do. WHIP PAN to EMILY at the foot of the bed. OWEN / JOSH How could you!? EMILY Oh, what? Because I'm a girl I need to stick with one orgy or I'm a slut? ADAM stumbles in, pulling leopard print underwear over his blurred Conover hog. ADAM That's not it, but we're almost 30. OWEN We're looking to find an orgy to settle down with- JOSH Buy some land for a commune. ADAM Raise kids without knowing which one of us is the dad. ANU We're sorry- MURPH (finishing her sentence) but we're not ready for that kind of pseudo-responsibility. KEVIN enters wearing a chin-dildo. KEVIN Well if you guys aren't going to take this orgy seriously, maybe we need to stop! EMILY Hey. Emily puts her hand on Kevin's chin dildo. EMILY Some of us are still discovering what we want from an orgy. KEVIN So what are we to you guys? A group of friends? REVEAL DAN, completely naked and greased up. DAN We're a group of friends with benefits. OWEN / JOSH / KEVIN / ADAM Well we need more! REVEAL STREETER, dressed in spandex, next to them. STREETER (to Dan) You're telling me this doesn't mean anything to you? (pointing to everyone) Or you? Or you? or you? (ending on PAT) Or YOU? REVEAL PAT with a weird zip-up mask. He unzips his mask. PAT Listen, some of us just got out of really serious orgies and we aren't ready. REVEAL SAM with a ball gag. SAM (muffled) Well we're not here to be your rebound gang bang! Everyone exchanges looks of confusion. EMILY What? SAM removes the ball gag. SAM Sorry. (dramatic again) We're not here to be your rebound gang bang! Stunned silence. Pat nods to himself. PAT You're right. DAN This isn't fair to any of us. Everyone mutters "yeah" to themselves. STREETER I guess- this is goodbye? OWEN I hope you guys find what you're looking for. ANU You too. Another beat of silence. JOSH Okay. (takes a deep breath) Everyone in the "make love" orgy lube up and follow me. MURPH EVERYONE ELSE MEET ME IN THE FUCK PILE! Everyone hoots and hollers. END.