Ancient, slumbering gods prefer to stay ancient and slumbering.
By Kevin Corrigan & Owen Parsons
EXT. ANCIENT TEMPLE - DAY
An APOCALYPTIC COMET barrels down on an ancient mayan-esque
village. A HIGH PRIEST watches solemnly with his companions.
The time of prophecy has arrived.
We have no choice. We must summon
our guardian from his ancient
He turns. We reveal two GIANT DOORS set in the mountainside.
High Priest removes a giant gem from around his neck and
places it inside the lock. It turns, and the giant doors
slowly slide open.
Arise, great one! Rise from the
sleep of eons! Rise up, and save
your people from destruction!
Arise, great SNORVO!
Two giant glowing eyes open up in the darkness. Dramatic
music starts, then cuts as the eyes close again.
Five more minutes.
What? Light the ceremonial torches.
An ACOLYTE flips a giant stone light switch. A bunch of
fancy torches alight, bathing chamber in light. Reveal:
SNORVO, a giant stone guardian, sprawled out on a giant
stone bed. He groans and pulls the blanket over his head.
Snorvo, the hour is at hand. We
need your help!
Ugh. It sooo early.
Please, ancient one! Uh, ancient
Snorvo doesn't move. Audible snoring. High Priest sighs.
(pointing to acolytes)
You three. Rouse our champion from
THREE ACOLYTES walks forward with a big ceremonial staff.
One raises it up dramatically, then pokes Snorvo with it.
They all chant.
Rise and shine. Rise and shine.
Snorvo blindly reaches out and FLATTENS Acolytes with his
Please, Snorvo, a meteor is headed
right for our village! If you don't
do something, we'll all die!
How big meteor?
Big enough to boil our oceans! To
turn our civilization to ash!
Ngh. Can't Tim do it? Tim is tall.
Snorvo points to Tim, a gangly Acolyte.
Remove the ancient blanket!
Acolytes work together to pull a giant blanket off Snorvo.
Noooooo! Snorvo hates you.
Snorvo curls into a ball and covers head with pillow. Snorvo
is wearing pajama bottoms.
Great Snorvo. Our ancestors imbued
you with ancient magics, so that
you might slumber until the day
when you were needed.
Ugh. Snorvo slept really badly.
Mountain kept poking Snorvo in the
...Snorvo had a bad dream about
school. Snorvo not even go to
school, why still have dream?
Also Snorvo up really late. Only
get 6,000 years sleep. Snorvo need
at least 8,000-
Snorvo gives a VERY LONG SIGH. SNORVO Fine. Snorvo
dramatically rises up from his slumber. He swings his two
huge legs out from the bed and places them heavily on the
floor. He shrieks, and jumps back in bed!
Ooh! Cold floor! Too cold!
Fetch the Great Slippers of
Reveal: 12 Acolytes pulling giant stone bunny slippers with
a rope up the temple steps. The rope snaps and the slippers
slide down, flattening a hut.
It is so warm and cozy in here.
Plus, it is raining. Maybe meteor
It's raining fire!
Yes. Definitely indoor day.
Great guardian, what can we do to
help you rise?
Snorvo requires coffee. (beat) and
We don't have time! Armageddon is
almost upon us!
Snorvo doesn't respond. Priest sighs.
Look, if you stop the meteor now,
we'll take you out to brunch after.
That place that does the breakfast
quesadillas? With the goat cheese?
Then Snorvo shall rise!
Snorvo dramatically rises from his bed. His footsteps shake
the earth as he passes through the giant doors. He powers up
and LEAPS up into the sky directly at the oncoming meteor.
The villagers all cheer.
Thank you, Snorvo. You've saved us
Snorvo rockets through the air towards the meteor. As he
does, he is bathed in the red heat of the meteor around him.
Uhf. So warm. So... cozy...
Snorvo drifts off to sleep in midair & starts snoring. The
meteor CRASHES into him (not waking him) and they both CRASH
into the Earth. Everyone dies.
(The ultimate) END.