Adam is handed an assignment that's as difficult as ABC.
By Adam Conover & Kevin Corrigan
INT. ADAM'S DESK
Sam approaches Adam's desk.
Adam, an assignment. All afternoon,
author an amusing act arranged all
(he holds up a printout of the
After achievement, all actors
around are awarded an Apple
He holds up an Apple Airport Express router. Then leaves.
(rolls his eyes)
Bugger. Big boss's burden beggars
From his desk, Kevin agrees.
Correct. Consistent consonants
cause crap comedy.
Emily walks up.
Dudes, dare Daniel: display
dangling Dan dick!
Double dog dared.
Fine. Forget Flaccid Friday,
Josh RUSHES in.
Guys, Google "Gina Gershon."
Kevin is on it.
Immediately. It's infinitely
important. iPhone, iPad, iMacs --
if it's Internet interconnected,
inquire in it, I insist!
Juicy jiggling jubblies. Jackin'
Kevin brings in a plate of donuts.
Emily takes an eclair.
Lunch! Looooove lickin' lemony
Dan comes for the donuts but steps on something. A bunch of
shattered DVDs are beneath his feet, including "TED",
"Boogie Nights", and "The Fighter."
Mamma Mia! My Marky Mark movies!
Okay, okay -- official office ...
A guy, QUINN, pops his head around a corner.
Quiet, Quinn! Quick question.
(Kevin holds up a crown)
He puts the crown on his head. Emily points to the "KEVIN
CORRIGAN" nameplate on Kevin's desk.
Really? Read regularly?
Spelling's so strenuous.
Adam looks at the alphabet sheet from before. He sees that
"TUVWXYZ" are left.
Trouble, team! Tough times
threatening! Take thesaurus
terminology to ten!
Uh -- uh --
She sees a pair of underpants floating in a bucket.
Unclean underwear undulating
Dan is canoodling with a vacuum cleaner.
Virgin vacuum vehemently vibrating!
What were we wearing when we went
Kevin shows him a picture of the two of them on a whaling
ship holding harpoons and wearing xylophones.
Adam yells at Sam.
Yo, you yutz. Yonder yarn yields
Zounds! Zany, zippy zingers! ZAP!
He waves a magic wand. A pile of Airport Expresses appear on
the table. Everyone cheers!
One one one one one one one!