Fans get creative this year at San Diego. Too creative. And yes, that's really Joss Whedon.
By Patrick Cassels & Owen Parsons
INT. COMIC-CON PANEL ROOM - DAY GEOFF & DUMPSTER, two moderators, sit behind a panel desk in front of an audience of costumed NERDS. GEOFF Okay, now it's time for the Q&A portion of the Comic-Con panel. A bunch of weird hands go up. DUMPSTER Yes, first question, from the man dressed as Pikachu? PIKACHU IN A GALACTUS HELMET stands up. GALACTUS PIKACHU Actually, I'm Pikachu as a Herald of Galactus. It is an original costume of my own conception. GEOFF Wow. That's, uh, very creative. What's your question? GALACTUS PIKACHU Well frankly I'm so flustered at your snafu that I've plum forgotten it! DUMPSTER Okay. You in the InuYasha costume? TWENTY INUYASHAS stand up. DUMPSTER Sorry, I meant the uh, non-jedi InuYashas. Ten jedi InuYashas sit down. DUMPSTER Ah geez. And no steampunk goggles. Five steampunk InuYashas sit down. GEOFF Never mind. Let's go to this lady over here dressed as Hermione. LADY HARRY POTTER Actually, I'm crossplaying Harry Potter! GEOFF Where are your glasses? LADY HARRY POTTER Oh, sorry. She puts on Geordi (from Star Trek)'s visor. LADY HARRY POTTER This makes sense in my fan fiction. GEOFF I haven't read it. LADY HARRY POTTER Oh, it's not text. It's a ukulele ballad. Shall I play it? DUMPSTER You shant. GEOFF Oh look, this is funny. Fat Ash Ketchum. ASH KETCHUM Actually, I'm just Ash Ketchum. GEOFF I'm so sorry. What's your question? ASH KETCHUM It was about food, so now I don't want to ask. DUMPSTER Uh... the guy dressed as... me? INUYASHA DUMPSTER Actually, I'm InuYasha-you. I'm you, but bit by InuYasha. DUMPSTER Is InuYasha a vampire? INUYASHA DUMPSTER This one is! The InuYasha that bit me was bit by the vampire Alucard. CASTLEVANIA ALUCARD stands up. CASTLEVANIA ALUCARD Did someone say my name? INUYASHA DUMPSTER NO, Castlevania Alucard! I was talking about the Hellsing Alucard! HELLSING ALUCARD stands up. HELLSING ALUCARD Yo. DUMPSTER Oh, here's one I know. Darth Maul. DARTH MAUL WITH CRAPPY ROBOT SPIDER LEGS stands up. DARTH MAUL Actually, I'm Robot Legs Darth Maul. DUMPSTER That's a dumb thing to make up. DARTH MAUL I didn't make it up. This is canon in the expanded universe. GEOFF Ugh. You, in the Gundam costume. The GUNDAM costume opens up, revealing a SONIC costume. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG Actually, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog piloting a Gundam. DUMPSTER Wolverine. Please. GAY WOLVERINE Actually, I'm Gay Wolverine. DUMPSTER What's different about him? GAY WOLVERINE NOTHING, you BIGOT! Let's go, Bi-curious Sentinel. Bi-Curious Sentinel stands up next to him. They shuffle out. GEOFF You, in normal clothes, thank god. BRUCE BANNER Actually, I'm Bruce Banner. I'm just not mad right now. GEOFF Fuck you, Bruce Banner. BRUCE BANNER What!? Now I'm angry! Ahh! My inner monster is unleashed! AHHHH!!! (puts on blonde Saiayn wig) This Bruce Banner was born on Planet Saiyan! AHHHHHHH!!! XENA WITH A DEADPOOL MASK Oh no! A Hulk Vegeta! Is there a Goku Thor here? SIX GOKU THORS stand up and shuffle towards the front. DUMPSTER Does anyone have a normal costume? No gender swapping! No digimon version of not digimon things!? We see large chunks of hands go down as he lists these. DUMPSTER You. Cloud from Final Fantasy. JUST CLOUD Hi. I'm just Cloud. DUMPSTER (suspicious) Turn around. Cloud turns, revealing an InuYasha tail. DUMPSTER You're a fucking InuYasha! I knew it! Why did you lie!? JUST CLOUD Aeris could never love a half-demon! GEOFF Jesus! Does anyone have ANY questions about the movie! This is a fucking sneak peak of "Avengers II." SLIGHT CRASH ZOOM OUT reveals Avengers II banner. GEOFF Joss Whedon is sitting right here! JOSS Actually, I'm steampunk Joss Whedon. Joss reveals a steampunk robot arm. Dumpster sighs deeply. GEOFF This panel's over! Come on, Steampunk Joss. I need a churro and a water. They leave. Lights are SHUT OFF. A single spotlight shines on LADY HARRY POTTER onstage, strumming her ukulele. LADY HARRY POTTER One day/A spell went awry/And Harry beamed aboard/The Enterprise. END.