From CH Staff on
Daria Morgendorffer returns to Lawndale and discovers her shallow classmates have grown into shallow adults. See Aubrey Plaza in The To Do List in theaters this Friday, July 26th!
By Patrick Cassels
EXT. ROAD A bus cruises past a "WELCOME TO LAWNDALE" sign. ("Be sure and visit our corporate park!") VOICE (V.O.) High school was like the Civil War... INT. BUS -We're looking over a GIRL's green-jacket-clad shoulder as she browses the SICK, SAD WORLD IPAD VERSION. VOICE (V.O.) It lasted four years, you were defined by what you wore... -Her HAND grabs a pair of ROUND EYEGLASSES off the seat next to her. Beneath is a LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL REUNION invitation. VOICE (V.O.) ...and I lost 1 in 10 of my friends to gangrene. EXT. LAWNDALE STREET The BUS pulls off, revealing DARIA MORGENDORFFER, now in her late 20s. She's carrying luggage. VOICE (V.O.) That last part isn't true. But a girl can dream, can't she? LOGO. INT. QUINN'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON Daria is on the phone with her sister QUINN. Quinn is dressed professionally while a FASHION SHOOT happens behind her. QUINN (INTO PHONE, QUIETLY) Daria, I'm president of Lawndale High's reunion committee. How would it look if my own sister didn't come? DARIA (INTO PHONE) Why don't you actually admit to your friends we're related so we can find out? INT. CAR JANE gives Daria a lift home from the bus stop. DARIA I never thought I'd come back here, Jane. JANE I knew I would, but I assumed it'd be for a funeral. EXT. MORGENDORFFER HOUSE Daria stands in front of the house. Sighs. JAKE (O.S.) Retirement's the best thing that ever happened to me. No more stress! But how are you, Kiddo? JAKE, in comfort clothes, works in a garden. Her mother, HELEN, lounges on a lawn chair. DARIA Great, Dad. High on life. JAKE What's "life?" Is that some kind of drug? (grabs his hair; panicked) Oh, God! I've failed my daughter! INT. DARIA'S OLD BEDROOM - MORNING Daria opens her old closet, revealing a dozen IDENTICAL OUTFITS: green jacket, black dress. HELEN (O.S.) Daria, this could be a great opportunity to reconnect with your old friends. I'm sure they've grown up. EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH Jane and Daria surrounded by IMMATURE ALUMNI throwing a party outside the high school. KEVIN and BRITTANY stumble in. KEVIN Class of 2002 rules! Woo! (hands Daria a business card) Also, be sure and swing by Kevin Thompson Auto for quality pre-owned Hondas! BRITTANY We should, like, have a 10-Year reunion every year! INT. GYMNASIUM STAGE - REUNION NIGHT TRENT stands with MYSTIC SPIRAL onstage. TRENT We're Mystic Spiral, but now that we're back together, we're thinking of changing our name to either Crushed By Ants, or The Pembroke River Family Disaster. There's a survey going around. TITLE: GET READY INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT Quinn enters, wearing a stunning REUNION DRESS. Daria walks into frame in her other signature outfit: JEANS and a BLACK T-SHIRT. She picks some lint off it. JANE (O.S.) We'll get through this, Daria. Like we always did. INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT Daria and Jane enter the gymnasium. JANE ...We're Bonnie and Clyde! Butch and Sundance! DARIA You do realize all those people died horrible, bloody deaths, right? CRASH! TIFFANY, walking by holding a BOWL of punch and BALLOONS respectively, falls in front of Daria. Beat. Daria looks around. TITLE: FOR THE RETURN OF THE GIRL EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH - ELSEWHERE IN PARTY TOM stands with Daria in a romantically lit back ALLEY. He grabs her hand. TOM I still have feelings for you. DARIA Tom, we haven't seen each other in 10 years. For all I know, now you're serial killer or, worse, married. TITLE: WHO DOESN'T GET EXCITED INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT Mr. DeMartino speaks on the stage in front of a "REUNION NIGHT" BACKDROP. MR. DEMARTINO While I DESPISE your CELEBRATION of no achievement in PARTICULAR, it is my HONOR to introduce your valedictorian. A spotlight hits Daria, surprised. INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT Daria steps up ON STAGE. DARIA We've all gone our separate ways since graduation, but we'll forever be united by the deep emotional scars this place has left us with. WIDE reverse of the entire gymnasium. DARIA And, um, go class of 2002. STANDING OVATION. CUT TO: ENDING MONTAGE: -The alumni hit the dance floor, including MRS. BARCH, who violently PULLS Mr. O'Neill by his tie and KISSES him. EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH - ELSEWHERE IN PARTY Tom and Daria KISS. Reveal JANE spying on them, upset! INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT -The red-headed UPCHUCK hits on JODIE. She walks away. INT. GYMNASIUM - REUNION NIGHT CRASH! Tiffany and STACY now fall in front of Daria, creating even more of a mess. Daria raises her hand in a pointless attempt to catch her. (The framing and blocking of this mimic the volleyball scene from the show's opening.) ZOOM into her face and transition to: TITLE CARD: DARIA - THE MOVIE