HBO's female viewers argue for a little more genital equality.
By Emily Axford
-EMILY sits in front of the tv with an arm around her, her
boyfriend to her left but framed out.
-ANU sits with her laptop on her lap.
-SASHEER and LAURA sit in front of a tv, one on a couch, the
other at her feet. We occasionally see them in a two shot.
They address the camera.
Hi, HBO! It's us, your female
We've got a boner to pick with you:
From the brothels of Game of
Thrones, to the brothels of
Boardwalk Empire, all the way to
the brothels of Deadwood-
Don't forget the Strip Clubs of The
You've shown us a ton of boobs.
So many that after an hour of you,
seeing my own boobs, is like-
(looking down at her boobs)
Really? These things again?
It's time to even the score.
We're not saying no more boobs. We
just think you should show Dongs.
Like inbetween the boobs.
Edited inbetween, or even literally
inbetween. That'd be cool, too.
I want a little dude tube on my
You had a show called HUNG about a
guy with a big dick-
(punch in closer)
and we never even got to see it.
In The Wire, McNulty boinked every
babe in Baltimore-
-but did we ever see Detective
Game of Thrones? We were promised a
Storm of Swords. And what did we
(doing Hodor impression)
One long, flaccid, Hodor schlong
that's about as sexy as an uncooked
roll of Pillsbury Dough.
(sarcastic and monotone)
Oooh. Spoil me.
At least let us see 'em before you
cut 'em all off.
Girls, you made us watch Adam's
penis sneeze all over that poor
girl from Roswell.
But you couldn't turn the camera
around and show us the goods?
Lena Dunham, I'm glad you're
comfortable with your body, but
maybe you could be comfortable with
And True Blood, we don't care if
he's an undead warlock demi-god
were-bear, show us that magic wand.
Maybe you're worried an erect penis
would be too explicit or
Uhh, have you seen the Red Wedding?
You'll show a pregnant woman get
stabbed in the baby but you can't
show one innocent little hard dick?
Look, no one's trying to see less
Her skin is like toffee fro-yo.
But maybe replace a couple
"scheming in a room full of naked
prostitutes" scenes, with, like...
(thinking of this on the spot)
...maybe a scene where Robb Stark
and Khal Drogo are comparing penis
(playing off Sasheer)
Oooh and it's a tie? So they, like
have to wrestle?
I know they're both dead but I
think it'd work as a flashback.
I wanna see the Stallion that
mounts the world.
So how about this: For every
topless background extra-
-every actress that bears her
bouncies but doesn't even get a
-every minute we have to sit
through this dumb double standard-
-you owe us an inch of Grade A Man
And if you don't do this
-Or try to shut us up by throwing
us some scrote-
-no one wants to see that- ANU -we
-boycott you by not stealing our
parents HBOGo passwords anymore.
So don't give us the shaft.
Show us the shaft!
You're a premium channel. Let's see
some premium penis.
Also AMC if you wanted to show John
Hamm's dick I bet both girls and
guys would be down.