From CH Staff on
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
By Milana Vayntrub & Jon Mackey
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY MOLLY and JON sit at a little table in a cafe. JON Yeah, Molly, I'm fine... What did you want to talk about? MOLLY You. JON What about me? MOLLY How are you? JON I'm fine... MOLLY Really? So you're over me already? JON I mean, I guess. You're terrible. WAITER comes up. WAITER You guys ready to order? MOLLY Are you guys still serving breakfast? WAITER No, sorry, we're not. MOLLY Right, okay. Molly scans the menu. MOLLY (CONT'D) So I'll have the granola? WAITER That's on the breakfast menu. MOLLY Right. WAITER So you can't order that now. Molly grins and pokes the waiter's side. MOLLY Oh, Come on... The waiter pokes her back. WAITER Well, it's really not up to me. The chef's really strict, I'd get it for you, if I could. MOLLY Okay, thank you! WAITER But I can't. JON Can I get a BLT? WAITER Sure. Fries or salad? MOLLY Granola. JON (to waiter) Salad... (to Molly) Come on, Molly. MOLLY (to waiter) Granola salad. WAITER Okay, look.. MOLLY With yogurt dressing. Jon tries to jump in. JON She's just kidding... Molly reaches out and grabs Jon's hand and squeezes it hard. WAITER I can't do that. We make everything fresh, the granola is fresh every morning. We honestly don't even have a freezer. JON You don't have a freezer? WAITER No... MOLLY Liar. JON Molly. MOLLY So you don't have ice cream. WAITER We have ice cream. MOLLY But you don't freeze it, so it's milk? WAITER NO, we HAVE an ice cream freezer, just not a big- Look, the guys that own this place are kind of crazy, and they change over the whole kitchen between meals. So there's not even any granola here right now. MOLLY (pointing through the) kitchen door) Then what's that giant box of Granola about? We see a huge tub of granola on a shelf with a big label reading "GRANOLA". WAITER Look, I'm not allowed to give it to you, okay? I could lose my job. Molly suddenly gets really emotional. MOLLY Oh my god, I would hate for you to lose your job. Then your whole family would be disappointed in you, and it's so hard to find a job in this economy, you'd probably have to move out of your house, and you'd be homeless- Molly gets up and starts to hang on the waiter's arm. JON Just order something else, Molly! MOLLY And all of the crack. There'd be SO MUCH CRACK! The restaurant starts to notice. WAITER Get off me, lady. MOLLY (to the restaurant) Be sure you tip this man, he's gonna get fired today, and smoke a ton of crack. WAITER Okay, stop it. Sit down. Jesus! The waiter walks away. JON Jesus christ... MOLLY What? JON It's just granola. MOLLY Watch your mouth. (ALT) NO! (ALT) "Just"? Waiter comes back with a little cup of granola. WAITER This is all I could sneak away. MOLLY Oh, thank you so much! WAITER You're welcome. MANAGER (O.S.) WHO OPENED THIS GRANOLA? MOLLY (to waiter) Before you get fired, can I get some yogurt? (ALT) ...Can I get some of that warm ice cream milk? (ALT) You're fucked. THE END.